If this moment is truly a reckoning, then the real question is not who falls. It’s what we build next.
This reckoning is not limited to the personal development, teaching, coaching healing world though the actions we can take as individuals are the same across the board. “Be the change you want to see” is not just a pleasant platitude. It’s a mandate for healing, growing, evolving.
The Rise and Fall
Though I’ve always considered myself part of the teaching, coaching, healing, personal development world, my resume reads like it was written by a drunk squirrel. Those personal plot twists have provided opportunities to explore multiple areas of learning and growing, and have offered a front row seat to witness the rise and fall of leaders of all kinds in all sectors.
That rise and fall is predictable and can be illustrated as a bell curve of identifiable behaviors. I first learned the bell curve principle in the 1980s from a college course titled “The Rise and Fall of Great Civilizations.” Great civilizations, great leaders, even individuals – they all follow this same bell curve.
Ita begins with a humble, service-oriented, collaborative. “were in this together” outlook and matching behaviors. Humility and self-awareness, curiosity and learning, service and teaching, plus building mutually-beneficial relationships are key characteristics. Emerging leaders are comfortable acknowledging what they do not know and can openly admit to being hungry followers who are constantly learning and evolving. They welcome feedback, dissent, and new ideas. They focus on empowering others, building trust, growing the next generation of leaders, and fostering individual and collective development. Success is achieved through congenial collaboration, clear communication, and nurturing people.
The curve rises to a pinnacle of achievement, transformation, and balancing. Leaders have developed the vision and skills to effectively lead change, think critically, and deliver results. Followers are eager to participate. But leaders must be able to maintain the same curiosity and humility they started with, placing the greater good before their own egos. Sustaining the peak becomes a delicate balancing act.
Once the ego gets involved and priorities begin shifting, the bell curve begins its descent into hubristic, self-serving performance. There’s still time to recalibrate, but leaders begin believing their own hype and become overconfident. They switch from curiosity to unwavering certainty. They erect a wall between themselves and everyone else, creating an artificial segregation: You’re either in or you’re out. They lose connection with “their” people and lose touch with the realities of those they claimed to serve. They become arrogant, creating echo chambers and surrounding themselves with “yes-people.” They act as if they have the right to ignore constructive feedback and warning signs. Once ego takes over, their priority shifts to protecting their personal authority, blaming others for their failures, and exhibiting a sharp decrease in empathy. They enter a phase or trying to control everything which stifles innovation.
When leaders fall, it is rarely due to a lack of competence, but rather a failure to manage their own behaviors. They’ve ignored slight cracks, “minor” ethical compromises, or small lapses in judgment that eventually compound into major issues. In their need to control, they take on more than they have the capacity to handle. Decision-making deteriorates. They create dependency instead of building future leaders which leads to stress fractures and ultimately collapse.
But What Can WE Do?
One of my pet peeves is listening to people complain and criticize without offering anything we can do. Protesting, posting, and making bold statements have their place, but if this is indeed a reckoning, then we have to go beyond and build new systems and structures.
In terms of the bell curve, we can either slide into our own demise or take action to sustain and nurture the pinnacle. The choice is ours. Here are my suggestions:
1. See Something. Say Something.
This directive has already been used in multiple ways and seems fitting here, especially for women. While I never met Chopra and was never accosted by anyone in the industry, I’ve had several seriously icky moments with names you might know. I’ve been asking myself if I ever saw anything that might have been grooming, coercion, manipulation, inappropriate intimacy, or abuse of power. And then had to ask myself the truly uncomfortable question – Had it become so commonplace that those who noticed and were angry – or hurt – let it go? In the absence of being sure, did we let it slide? Silence is not neutrality.
2. Set Your Own Boundaries First and Tend Them Meticulously.
Boundaries are not weapons to make someone else behave certain ways. They are guidelines for your own behavior. The best are stated in if-then language. “If you do this, then I will do that.” State your consequences clearly, then follow-through. If you don’t, your boundaries are nothing more than idle threats. There’s a huge difference between having a conflict and becoming a predator. Calling everything a “growth opportunity” negates your boundaries and protects the predators. Institutional boundaries have no teeth if the individuals involved have no boundaries of their own.
3. Create Clear Reporting Structures
I’ve admittedly failed to report – or even question – situations because of the reporting system. Where do you go? Who do you tell? Who would believe me when the person who needed to be reported had elevated status. I feared getting in trouble in a shoot-the-messenger way. While written codes and clear policies are essential, they aren’t enough. As we’re seeing, self-governing is ripe for failure. Creating an ethical reporting system for an entire industry requires a collaborative approach that ensures anonymity and guarantees protection against retaliation, preferably administered by a neutral third party. That may be wishful thinking, but it’s a place to start creating something that hasn’t previously existed.
4. Believe the Reporter and Investigate
Stop asking why someone didn’t report sooner; comfort them that they are brave to report now. The statistics for people – women in particular – experiencing abuse or assault are staggering. Delayed reporting often indicates they were dealing with trauma. Grooming can be insidiously subtle. By the time a person realizes that what’s happening, they may have been indoctrinated that such behavior is just normal. The victim invited the behavior so any shame belongs to them. With celebrities, gurus, leaders, and other elevated people, the imbalance of power is often enough to silence the victim. Being uncomfortable in the reporting is not evidence of dishonesty.
5. The Person Reporting Needs Protection
“Innocent until proven guilty” is the law. That includes the whistleblower who may also be subjected to character assassination. The instinct of the accused, whether they are guilty or not, may be retaliation. Both must be protected while evidence is gathered. Anyone having evidence has a responsibility to speak up. This era of the 24-hour news cycle has created a hungry monster that deliberately pits parties against each other for titillation and entertainment. That serves no one.
6. Choose Your Reporting Platform Wisely
Nearly 70% of North Americans use some form of social media. Worldwide, the percentage is 64% to 69%. But using social media – which is generally public and can go viral – as your reporting system has serious downfalls starting with endangering the victims. It can also tip off the person or organization being reported and create sides before evidence is gathered. Silence protects predators, but so does unwise reporting.
7. Stop Elevating Charisma Over Character
Magnetism is not integrity. Stage presence is not moral authority. Best-selling is not ethical endorsement. Today’s pedestal culture creates easy conduits for predators. Demolish the pedestals.
8. Do Your Own Due Diligence
In a digital world dominated by pedestal culture, due diligence requires a rigorous, disciplined, and skeptical approach. That has collided with my need to find people I can trust, and I’ve gotten burned by recommendations from trusted resources. Our goal must go beyond initial excitement and dig hard to verify the reality. Think of it like meeting a very attractive person in a bar and hitting it off, only to find out later that the attraction was superficial or not what you thought. Take credible allegations seriously. Not every accusation is true, but we can’t afford to jump to conclusions either way. Become willing to investigate and hold accountable.
9. Make It Known That We Are Watching
“We” includes all of us. When predators believe the culture protects them, they flourish.
Knowing their pedestal brings healthy scrutiny instead of enabling, may curtail misconduct. It’s easier to misbehave in the dark.
10. Vote
No, we’re not veering off into politics. Vote with your dollars, your time, and your energy. Don’t buy their books. Don’t participate in their courses or programs. Be careful who you endorse and promote. Let your actions show your beliefs.
We have the power to get these changes started. In fact, they can’t happen any other way.
The goal is not to tear down an entire industry, especially when it still has such great potential to be helpful. the industry has been in its adolescence and it’s time to help it grow up.
Our job is to stop protecting personalities and start protecting people.
We are at a tipping point. Which way will we fall?