Our world lost so much with the passing of Dolly Parton. It feels impossible to grasp onto anything that can keep us from feeling swamped by grief, and yet most of us never met her personally. She is that rare – perhaps unique – public figure who is widely considered beloved by all ages, genders, races, religions, backgrounds, and political views.
There have already been countless tributes (Here and Here) documenting her many accomplishments in music, philanthropy, humanitarianism, business, and culture, but none of that explains why this feels personal.
Here’s why it feels personal to me.
Tuesday was a full-circle day,taking me back to when I was a small child, then bringing me forward and through.
The catalysts? A piece from Jim Palmer had gotten me wondering what my eight-year-old self would think about where I am today. The passing of a dear gone-too-soon friend. Then hearing that Dolly Parton had slipped this earthly plane. And finally, watching Disclosure Day.
It all goes back to a vision… Of course, at eight I thought that vision was just an incredibly detailed, very real dream. I only knew I was standing at the beginning of a story. MY story. From the vision/dream I knew who I was and why I was here and what I was meant to do, but didn’t yet understand any of it. I knew, but didn’t know. Dolly knew when she was just a little girl, but unlike me her knowing took roots fast.
Dolly never let anything knock her down, at least not for long.
My own vision/dream felt like Indiana Jones must have felt taking his leap of faith across the bottomless chasm in The Last Crusade. Indy sees no way across. Driven by desperation and his father’s words (You must believe, boy.), he closes his eyes, places a hand over his heart, and takes a step directly out into the empty void… and the path appears. Then from the other side, he throws dirt back across the bridge so he can find his way back home.
I took many leaps of faith based on that initial vision/dream, but it took years (decades) to understand the usefulness of my particular dirt. I thought Indy must have special dirt because it often felt like mine just muddied the view instead of being a wayshower. It felt like I was getting farther behind which made no sense because by most measures I was accomplishing a lot.
It didn’t help at all that I could see crystal clear for other people, but was blind to my own blindness. It seemed like as soon as something was reaching fruition, getting attention, about to cross its own chasm, I’d pull back. Hide. There was always a “good” reason, but the nature of the pattern stayed invisible to me for years (decades).
Dolly was never blind to anyone’s needs, including her own.
My repeats gained momentum, becoming more frequent and feeling more bizarre. As had happened before, I sat on the floor one night sobbing, “Don’t you think I’ve made this mistake enough and could move on to something else?”
The short answer is that I started practicing StoryShift faithfully instead of only when things got bad.
Dolly did it her way which is exactly what we each must do.
Losing Dolly Parton feels universal partly because she transcended the political, generational, and social divides that keep us in “against” mode and became a steady dependable symbol of radical kindness, generosity, and unifying love. It’s what we all claim to want.
Losing her feels personal because she deliberately cultivated an unconditional connection of kindness that encompassed everyone. She made each of us feel seen and cared for.
Our grief feels both intimate and universal.
Despite being raised in very religious family, she saw herself as deeply spiritual rather than conventionally religious. She constantly emphasized leading through love and kindness rather than judgment, aligning herself with generosity towards and acceptance for all people. She sometimes called herself a Jezebel, yet woke up every morning at 3 am to pray and pose two questions: “How can you use me?” and “What can I do today?”
The actions she took were real, impacting real people with real needs.
She didn’t just tell us what to do. She lived it and left us a map.
It’s now my job, your job, each of us individually and all of us together to fill her very sparkly and impossibly high heels. Thank goodness for that map.
It feels personal to me because I wanted to be just like her. I was a little girl who knew exactly who I was and why I was here and what I was meant to do, but was also constantly looking over my shoulder. That’s not bad thing. It’s just a different route.
We all want this world to be a better place. We’re fond of saying “Be the change.” But many of us (and by “us” I mean me) still expect everyone else to change or to at least change along with us, preferably in the way we want. We long for the seduction of agreement and the illusion (delusion?) of being right.
Many, many posts are saying “Be a Dolly.” We all say YES, then wonder what that looks like in our own daily lives. Or just go back to daily life. We grieve, but are we letting it change us?
Donna Ashworth has taken up the challenge and written a guide for us to Be the Change:
TEN WAYS TO BE MORE DOLLY
1. Chase butterflies and rainbows and remember that success is only success if you make space for the aforementioned chasing.
2. Be so wildly yourself that those around you are encouraged, inspired and magnetically drawn to do the same.
3. Let those who will, judge and mock, whilst you crack on with whatever it is that brings you and those you love, joy.
4. Be remarkably unafraid to be seen as cheesy, cringey or too-much because you know that is actually the very best way to exist in this life.
5. Make kindness your top priority. Make it weird. Make it big. Make it contagious.
6. Create, in the unique way you’ve been created to create. In the way that only you can do so. Do so.
7. Give. Give freely. Give back. Give out. Give in (to the flow). Don’t ever give up.
8. Accept every single soul exactly as they are and show this to be true by accepting yourself in that courageous way, too.
9. Throw love around – let the entire world know you are loving them simply because it’s what each and every soul deserves.
10. Seek and gather all the good stuff along the way. Notice it. Share it around. Let it ripple. Those ripples are your legacy. You might not see it but best believe it matters.
~ Donna Ashworth
I haven’t stopped writing about Dolly and my friend and Jim and Disclosure Day. Writing is how I sort through what I’m thinking and feeling until it comes clear. It’s still coming.
Meanwhile, Dolly, my friend, Jim, and Disclosure Day are all doing what inspirational thought-provoking souls and ideas do. Holding up a mirror. Inspiring. Encouraging. Nudging.
If Tuesday felt like a wobble to you, too, just know…
You are not alone.
And I will always love you,
Anne