Soulmate Question: I’ve been doing a lot of reading about attracting what I want. Part of the process is to get prepared to have what you are trying to attract. How do you prepare to meet a soulmate for a relationship?
Excellent question and one we all wrestle with. In a nutshell – it isn’t enough to know what to do, we have to know how to do it. Better yet, how to do it from our hearts as well as from our heads so it isn’t just another frustrating intellectual exercise in futility.
Just this week, I was watching a video on a particular painting technique I want to learn. The instructor did a great job of showing us what to do and a decent job of showing us how to do it. Easy peasy, right? Wrong! My efforts were messy and the results were hilariously off the mark. It was clear that more practice would be required to get a better understanding of the “hows” so it could move from head knowledge (understanding what she was doing) to heart knowledge (being able to do it myself and produce a happy outcome.) Such is all of life.
With that in mind, here are 10 things you can do to prepare yourself, open your heart and mind, and clear the way for your Beloved. We’ll talk about 5 this week and 5 more next week. Be warned – there’s really nothing new in here. Chances are you’ve heard it before in different ways from different voices. Often that repetition of important messages from different perspectives is exactly what we need in order to really “get it” at the heart and soul level. So here goes:
10 Steps for Opening to Love (Steps 1 – 5)
Make Up Your Mind
Sounds easy, but it’s actually the hardest step. Decide exactly what you want out of love, but also out of life. No, I’m not talking about that list of preferred qualities and characteristics, though that can be helpful and we’ll talk about it more in Step 10. I’m talking about getting crystal clear about what a loving life would look like. What would it look like for you to be a more loving person, inside and out? Not just the big things, but the seemingly unimportant little things as well. Then take it a step further. What would a loving lifestyle look like that began with you giving love, you being more loving (even if you are already a loving person), and you giving up the things that don’t contribute to a loving lifestyle. You make up your mind what this looks like and you take action. Just you. Right now.
Remember - Being more loving doesn’t mean being a doormat. So if you find yourself feeling like doormat, give up whatever is causing you to feel that way. Allowing yourself to be a doormat isn’t being loving towards yourself at all. Decide what this loving life and lifestyle look like, then start living your part of it right now as if it had all come true already. Stop saying, “When he/she shows up. I’ll start doing ________.” Do your part of it now with the people currently in your life. He or she may not show up right away, but if you make up your mind and stay this course, it will happen in its own good time, the perfect time for the two of you even if that timing doesn’t bow to your impatience. You’re on soul time!
Listen Above the Noise
Lots of voices, including your own inner critic, will feel they have the right, or even obligation, to speak up about what you are doing and how you are doing it. Granted, there may be some good advice in there, but as soon as you hear that word “should,” stop. Family and friends may be well-meaning and your inner critic may think it’s protecting you from getting hurt or being disappointed, but none of those voices is YOU and none of them speak for what you really want. So stop listening to them. Right now. Then turn the dial on that radio to the channel where your soul, your gut, is speaking to you and listen to that one. You already know it’s there, you’ve just been having a hard time tuning in to it. Tune out the static and all that babble. Ignore the noise. Start listening for your gut and paying attention to what it is saying.
Become Your Own Best Cheerleader
Left to itself, our inner voice loves to become negative, to fill us with doubt and fear. But to take charge and get what you really want, it must be retrained to be positive and encouraging. Key word there is “retrained.” This is a skill that can be learned. You can reprogram your thoughts. The fear and negativity may still be in there and they may try to crowd out your newer, more positive thoughts, but they can be won over by the rewards received by allowing the more positive thoughts to prevail. And there are lots of rewards! The bonus is that as your more positive thoughts begin to win out, you’ll will begin to feel more confident and positive from the inside out. That will begin to radiate from you and become a welcome mat for what you want to attract.
Get Up and Get Busy
Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself or seeing yourself as a victim of your life circumstances are two incredibly tempting distractions. The best antidote is to get yourself up and get busy doing things you enjoy and that move you closer to what you really want. Think of it this way - if like attracts like as Abraham says, then sitting around feeling sorry for yourself is going to attract more opportunities to feel sorry for yourself until that becomes the dominant mode of your life. And if you see yourself as a victim of your life’s’ circumstances, you’re going to attract more circumstances that validate this perspective.
Nothing is just happening to you. You are creating it all, even the stuff you don’t want. That means you can take charge and consciously, mindfully create something else for yourself instead. You don’t have to be dragged through life feeling sorry for yourself or victimized by circumstances.
If you want to fall in love, start by being genuinely loving in your own life as it is right now. You have to do things like go on dates, even the “bad” ones. You obviously won’t marry every person you date, but every person you date will help you become more clear about who you do want to be in a relationship with. Bad dates and bad relationships are like training wheels. They’re only around until you don’t need them anymore.
You have to meet people and socialize. And that’s another place a lot of folks get tangled. Instead of the same old bar scene where you likely just meet the same folks or same type folks over and over, actively engage in things you like to do and would like to share with a Beloved. Here’s where that list can help you. If you love kayaking and would love to share that, join a kayaking club. No prospects in the club? They have friends! Already in a club? Is your vibe open and welcoming? Is your “open and welcoming” message clear? If it’s clear and you have given it a fair amount of time and focus, you may want to try out a different club. You can use this same approach to any interest – symphony, cooking, photography, movies. Literally anything. The point is to get out and get busy doing things that are attractive to you and attractive to The One you want to attract.
You’ll also want to get busy making space in your life, physically and emotionally. If your closets are clogged, make some room for your Beloved’s belongs. If you are holding on to anger, begin actively practicing forgiveness. Be inviting.
Re-think Your “Why”
We’re still talking about being mindful, and in the first suggestion we talked about making up your mind about what you really want. Now it’s time to think about WHY you want it. Is this what you really want or what your family and friends think you “should” want? This is your life and the cold hard truth is that you can’t ever make them or yourself happy by doing what they think you should. They have to find their own happiness and this is about you finding yours.
Every day, do the things you really want to do, the things that feed your heart and soul. That’s not a free pass for being selfish or shirking your responsibilities. Instead, weigh what you are doing and why you are doing it in all areas of your life. Is this the job you want or the one your parents think you “should” have? Are these the friends you want or the ones your other friends think you “should” have?
Start taking steps to fill your days with the activities and people that you really want. Give up the need to please others or even to fit in, whatever the heck that means. For the next month, ask yourself “Why am I doing this?” for every single thing you do every day. Sound tedious? Not nearly as tedious as staying stuck in that rut! Life is too short to waste another moment on things you don’t really want. Put the picture of your preferred life in front of your mind’s eye and start living right now as if it were already true. Because it is and it’s just waiting for you to see it.
These are the first 5 steps. Tune in next week and we’ll address the next 5. Happy prepping!
Anne Wade is Teacher, Writer, Mentor, and Coach for courageous women in midlife and beyond who want to disrupt their own status quo and design life on their own terms, even in turbulent times. She has developed the Becoming Found process of going within to find and address the inner barriers we have all inadvertently built up against love, happiness, health, wealth and any other desires of our hearts. Teaching women to unapologetically shine like a superstar and live their legacy is Anne’s mission.
You can follow her on her Facebook page “Anne Wade – Becoming found” or join her “Becoming Found” Facebook group.