Reader Question - Do all soulmate relationships have to be difficult? I have been with my husband for 3 years and we don't really fight and argue. My friends think what we have is not healthy and that all couples should fight. Is this true? We are very compatible and we have grown a lot as a couple, but people still look at us funny when we talk about not having fights. Are we really not soulmates if we don't push each other's buttons and argue?
Congratulations to you and husband! Sounds like you two are Companion Soulmates, one of the most deeply satisfying types of relationships.
I actually find your friends’ comments odd because Companion Mates come closest to the common view of soulmates. Most people are urgently seeking what you two have found naturally.
Even though all soulmate relationships are about learning and growing together, it is NOT necessary to fight and argue in order to do so. We can, and do, learn from all sorts of experiences and relationships.
Companion Mates are souls who have agreed to enjoy a warm and loving long-term relationship. Together, they experience – and expand their understanding of - affectionate and supportive love, living their own version of “happily ever after.” They often raise children together and are loving, supportive parents when they do.
With all types of soulmate relationships, whatever needs healing in either mate will come up. That means there are lots of opportunities to teach, learn, disagree, and grow. What’s different with Companion Mates is that learning, healing, awakening are a lovingly shared endeavor.
While Companion Mates are often romantic partners and make excellent romantic partners, they can also be family, friends, or even colleagues. In fact, Jodi and I have a running joke about being in each other’s heads as Business Soulmates! Any time you experience a simpatico relationship where it feels like the two of you are always tracking in sync, you are enjoying a Companion Mate connection.
Companion Mate relationships are enduring, sometimes lasting a lifetime. They are characterized by being mutually respectful, affectionate, intimate, committed, honest, safe, and loving. The key word is “mutual” and they focus on that in times of difficulty, hardship, or conflict. They don’t ignore the natural ups and downs of human relationships, but have agreed at both the soul and human level to navigate them together. Both are willing to put energy and effort into the relationship as needed to nurture a healthy loving atmosphere.
Despite the picture painted by faerie tales and movies, companion mates don’t always start with intense emotional or physical passion, though many feel a keen sense of recognition when meeting. Their love goes deeper than infatuation and may blossom over time even if each “knew” the other instantly.
Unlike Karmic Mates and Ego Mates, they don’t feel threatened by fleeting moments of high or low passion, nor do they feel the urge or need to argue and fight when they don’t fully agree. And they don’t always agree! Instead, they tend to feel steady and stable even in adverse circumstances. Sure, they may experience moments of uneasiness when a disagreement comes to light, but they typically navigate through it without too many pyrotechnics.
Even so, it is possible for Companion Mates to grow apart as each follows his/her individual path. In that case, true companions will allow the partners to lovingly go their separate ways, often remaining friends despite the ending of the relationship.
I can’t help but wonder why your friends are so adamant that you need to fight. Could they be a wee bit jealous? Do they need you to fight in order to validate their own relationships? Every relationship finds its own way to deal with Life. Some fight. Some don’t. Fighting in and of itself doesn’t mean you are – or are not – good soulmates. Do what feels good for the two of you and let others find their own way.
You and your husband have been blessed with what sounds like a healthy happy relationship. Run with that. When the naysayers strike, you can always smile and say “It works for us,” then change the subject. If they continue to insist that you “should” fight, maybe it’s time for new friends. After all, what works for you, especially if you are happy with your loving satisfying relationship, is none of their business.
For more on the Many Types of Soulmate Relationships, click HERE
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Anne Wade is Teacher, Writer, Mentor, and Coach for courageous women in midlife and beyond who want to disrupt their own status quo and design life on their own terms, even in turbulent times. She has developed the Becoming Found process of going within to find and address the inner barriers we have all inadvertently built up against love, happiness, health, wealth and any other desires of our hearts. Teaching women to unapologetically shine like a superstar and live their legacy is Anne’s mission.
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