A famous line in the classic '70s movie “Love Story” is: Love means never having to say you're sorry. This oft-repeated aphorism sounds sweet on the surface, but it can actually lead to a whole lot of trouble in your relationship.
The mistake that many people make when in a soulmate relationship is to buy into myths like this one.
Assumptions about what it means-- what it “should” mean-- to be soulmates or to be in love end up blocking or even destroying connection, intimacy, trust and happiness. Because of particular beliefs, people talk and act as if certain things are absolutely true when this isn't necessarily so.
Here are 5 popular relationship myths that can make your life miserable!
1. “I shouldn't have to say it. My partner should already know.”
This one applies to an apology, appreciation, and thanks, and also to expressions of love. Just because you and your soulmate share a deep bond, it doesn't mean there's no need for you to express how you feel.
Even if you are 100% sure that he knows how much you regret your harsh words and even if you are certain that she knows you love her, say it anyway. Don't let communication shrivel and die by not speaking up-- especially when things get tense, but also in everyday moments too.
Love means saying you're sorry when it's appropriate, thank you from the heart, and “I love you” when your partner least expects it.
2. “I shouldn't have to ask.”
One mistake we hear about in emails we receive from countless women and men is the expectation that their spouse or partner should be a mind reader. How many times have you become irritated or infuriated because your love just doesn't get it? Maybe you've dropped not-so-subtle hints to let him know you'd like to be romanced or that you want to feel appreciated by her.
Anytime you believe that you “shouldn't have to ask,” back up and take a different approach. Focus on what you do want and choose words to request it that won't come off as a criticism or a demand.
For example, instead of saying, “You're never romantic! How about dinner and a bouquet of flowers every once in awhile?” Try, “I'd love to have some alone time with you this weekend. Would you be willing to set aside some time for a special date night together?”
Ask for what you're craving in a way that invites your partner to not only hear you, but to climb on board with what you're asking for.
3. “It's a good sign that we always agree.”
A giant misconception about soulmate (or any) relationships is that the couple is so in tune with one another, they never argue or fight. The reality of this can be much much different.
When you believe that a sign of a healthy relationship is always agreeing and saying “yes” to one another, you're setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment. No couple EVER agrees on everything and that's actually a positive.
If you feel compelled to always agree, you're probably not listening to and honoring your own self. You may be setting aside your unique opinions, wants and needs because you assume it would be a “bad” thing to assert a different point of view.
4. “We always fight because we love each other so intensely.”
There can be a whole lot of intensity and passion in a soulmate relationship and that sometimes translates into heated arguments. The sparks that fly between soulmates aren't always the romantic or sexual ones!
The flip side to the myth that you should always agree is the myth that you fight because you love each other so very much. It's just as dangerous to operate as if this second assumption is true.
When you bicker and argue regularly, the love and trust you share can be damaged and get lost. Fighting can quickly overshadow the amazing connection you have (or once had). Regular tension and arguments can be your wake up call. Unhealthy communication habits have set in and it's probably time for you to be the one to step up with a calm and cool head.
5. “This is how it's always been and it's the way it'll always be.”
Perhaps one of the most dangerous relationship myths is that you, your partner, and your relationship are fixed and impossible to change. This can include not only the stuff you don't like, but also the things you do like.
When you believe that your relationship will always be as “it's always been,” you don't allow any room for personal growth and inevitable change. Each and every one of us is in process all of the time. This is actually a very exciting fact. This provides the possibility that what you see as weak points in your relationship can be healed and turned around and the strengths can continue, but in an ever-evolving way.
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Susie and Otto Collins are married soul mates and on a mission to share that passion and spark don’t have to die, whether you’ve been together for 5 months or 50 years. As certified Transformative coaches, authors, and speakers, they are passionate about making this world a more loving place by helping people understand how life and love really work.
Since 1999, they’ve been teaching practical, easy ways to find and keep passion strong and alive throughout the years, how to communicate with love, openness and compassion even when it’s tough, how to stay connected even when life throws challenges your way and how to leave with grace.
Together, they are the authors of Magic Relationship Words, Stop Talking On Eggshells, Should You Stay or Should You Go, No More Jealousy, Relationship Trust Turnaround and many other programs.
Otto has just released his book about healing his relationship with his father called Preaching to Monkeys which can be found on Amazon.
For a free audio for fathers, sons, and the people who love them, go to ottocollins.com.
Get their free ebook Relationship Reverse Right Now at SusieandOtto.com.