I've Just Met My Soulmate, but Am Already Happily Married...Help!

I’ve Just Met My Soulmate, but Am Already Happily Married…Help!

I've Just Met My Soulmate, but Am Already Happily Married...Help!Reader Question: I'm happily married and expected to live out my life with my husband. He is attractive, fun, and a great dad. I love him. Recently, I met a man I believe is my soulmate. I don't want to hurt my husband, but feel so alive and complete with this new man. I wasn't looking for this at all and don't know what to do. If I stay with  my husband will I give up the chance to ever be with my soulmate? If I leave my husband, he and our children will be terribly hurt. Why is this happening?

There is no easy answer for this question, and you are to be commended for feeling through this situation consciously and doing your best to be considerate of everyone’s feelings. It also applies to much than *just* your marriage.

First, a little Big Picture perspective...There’s a myth about soulmates that they are always romantic partners. That’s the only kind of soulmate most of us know about, but the truth is romantic partners are only one variety. Each and every person we encounter is a soulmate of one kind or another. There are many different kinds and they serve many different purposes, all with the primary function of helping us awaken and return to original love. Family, friends, colleagues, even enemies and victims are our soulmates. That means both your current husband and this new man are your soulmates.

What most of us think of as a soulmate is more popularly called our Twin Soul. Our Twin Soul is more accurately a "lost" or fragmented part of our soul. (In fact, you are ultimately your own Soul Twin, but that's beyond the scope of this article. For more on Soul Twins, read "Soul Mates and Soul Twins - What's the Difference?")When we meet a person who feels like that "lost" part of ourselves, we feel the connection like a puzzle piece slipping into place. Often when people experience an instant chemistry, they mistake it for that Twin Soul connection, but chemistry and homecoming are distinctly different. One is external, the other internal.

To further muddy the waters, we can also get that homecoming feeling from a Companion Mate. (Check out The Many Types of Soulmates for more on the types and roles of soulmates.)

My guess is you believe this new man to be your Twin Soul, but let’s consider other scenarios as well.

The first question for you to ponder is whether this man's appearance is serving some other soul purpose in your life. Clearly, he has made a profound impact and is here for a profound reason. Regardless of why he has appeared, he is a wake-up call and catalyst, his appearance signaling that a change of some kind is on the horizon. It’s up to you to dig beyond the surface feelings and figure out what that change is.  Here are a few possibilities:

  1. The new man may indeed be the mate you have spent this life preparing for and it is time to kindly and respectfully depart your marriage, doing your utmost to maintain a cordial, loving, and supportive relationship with the family you have already created and obviously care for.
  1. He may be another kind of soulmate, perhaps a teaching mate, bringing a wake-up call to refresh your current marriage. Perhaps it has become a little too comfortable to the point of being a bit stale and routine, even if you were not aware that was happening. Your attraction to him may be a reflection of your own subconscious boredom. Consider the possibility that his role as soulmate is to catapult your current marriage, not draw you away to a new one.
  1. His soulmate role may be to help you become free so you can enter an intense personal growth phase or be ready and available when your true romantic soulmate appears. In this case, he may even become your new husband or partner for a while, but the relationship is more likely to be a stepping stone.
  1. He may be a wake-up call that your husband is experiencing some dissatisfaction of his own. Your husband may have felt mostly content just as you have, yet is sensing there could be something more. Perhaps this man is showing you what your husband yearns for, how he longs to interact with you, and who he could be with a little different interaction from you.
  1. It’s also possible that your husband's romantic destiny is not you, but that you need to be the one to take this step to lovingly clear the way for him.

The greatest gift this man is giving you is an opportunity for deep introspection and soul-searching. In four of the five possibilities above, he is not your Twin Soul, but is still triggering a crucial awakening for you. Perhaps these questions and thoughts will help.

  • Are you willing to end your marriage knowing things may or may not work out with the man you’ve met? What if it turns out he is not The One, but is serving another soul purpose, even if that turns out to only be a brief moment of intense chemistry? Consider the possibility that this man may not become your new husband or partner. If his soulmate role is to help you in some other way, he may be in your life temporarily and you may very well have several relationships, even painful relationships, before meeting The One. Are you up for that? Are you prepared to face life alone, possibly for years? Are you ready for dating as an adult, perhaps losing friends and respect? Are you prepared for a different relationship with your children?  Ending any marriage creates consequences as well as rewards. Are you ready to deal with them?
  • If this man makes you feel alive, is it the novelty of someone new or is this genuinely different?  That’s nearly impossible to answer for most people in this situation because all they can feel is the adrenaline. Try your best to step back and consciously assess what you are feeling.  Remember, meeting a Twin Soul feels like connection, not just chemistry.
  • Even though you fully intended to stay married, has your marriage become routine and dusty? Could meeting this new man be a wake-up call to spiff things up? Did you feel a similar deep connection with your husband in the beginning?  If not, what did attract you and is that still valuable to you both?  If you were currently experiencing this same connected feeling with your husband, whether or not you felt it in the beginning, would you even consider leaving him for this new man?
  • Is it possible to generate or re-generate a similar level of excitement and connection with your husband?  Can you reignite the spark with him?  Or is it time to acknowledge this deepest connection was not the basis for your relationship and compassionately move on?

We marry for many reasons - some good, some needy. Even when we marry for good reasons, not all are founded on the profound soul connections we ultimately crave. Your marriage may have been the perfect relationship for each of you at that time, but one or both of you may have outgrown that stage. Most couples don’t grow at the same rate, though some are able to use that in their growth as partners.

There are also cases where one partner wants to grow and the other prefers to stay right where they are. If you are the partner hungering for change, even if that is a sudden unexpected hunger, you may not be able to return to your former contentment and must ask what that will do to your marriage and your hasband. If your desire to evolve has become a propelling life-force, staying may end up harming this man you love who has been your good partner and the father of your children.

The Giver becomes the Receiver is one of life’s most fundamental truths and its purest embodiment is in relationships. What could you give (attention, affection, assistance, for example) to your husband in order to receive the relationship you desire in return? How do you think your husband would respond to the “new” you?  If after experiencing the New You he is still perfectly content the way things were or does not want any change at all, how will you respond?

You’ll want to look at this from another angle as well. Ask yourself how you would feel if the tables were turned and your husband had met someone he believed to be his soulmate.  How would you want him to handle the situation?

None of this personal growth perspective should come as a surprise, yet it usually does. We accept developmental stages for physical growth and would never fault an infant for not being able to eat a steak or walk or talk. Personal development is much the same. And just as growing pains accompany our physical growth spurts, emotional pain comes hand-in-hand with our personal growth.

Believe it or not, there are no wrong answers here from a soul perspective, though there are unhelpful ways to go about navigating the situation. You can only do your best to determine what is the best course for you, accepting that self love and self care (not selfish love or selfish care) are essential. You have received a cosmic kick in the pants and clearly an action of some kind is required. I’m glad you are taking the time to thoughtfully consider what action to take.

Your first priority is to decide what you want to do with your current marriage before acting on this new soulmate opportunity. As a conscientious person, you can expect some agony through this process. Whether you decide to stay in your marriage or go, you will need to help your husband and children through this shift. If you do decide to dissolve your marriage, there will also be practical issues to consider. Will you be able to take care of your financial and emotional responsibilities to your family? They will be counting on the loving commitments you already made to them. Will you and your husband be able to work out a cordial relationship? Will you be able to collaboratively parent your children? Are you willing to go the second mile, accepting the personal responsibility to make this transition as smooth as possible, understanding that pain for those you love is almost assured?

The truth is we can meet our romantic soulmate at any time under any circumstances.  We make relationship choices every day, though not all are as life-changing as the one you face. In some cases, we automatically know the best response. Others require tremendous soul-searching and are bound to cause upheaval.

You asked whether you would miss out forever on being with your soulmate if you decide not to act on this opportunity. The answer is “no.”  You and your Twin Soul will ultimately reunite regardless of the choice you make here.  You may have been united already even if you are now being blinded by the stories you are telling yourself about your current husband and this new man. Regardless, many soulmates will appear i  your life, some romantic, others not, all designed to speed you on your way to your return to original love.

You’ll notice the “answer” to this question is more questions, questions only you can answer. Regardless of what you decide, things will be different from this point forward. You will not be unchanged by this experience and neither will your husband, children, or the other man. You must make the decision you believe is in your own soul’s best interest, then do your absolutely best to make it as painless as possible for everyone else involved.

If this man is indeed your Twin Soul, go for it.  But please do it in a kind, compassionate, conscious manner. And remember, being with your Twin Soul does not mean there will be no ups and downs. You will not be immune from natural human experience and can expect to experience challenges, awakenings, and healings. In fact, everything that still needs healing in either of you will most definitely come up. But with your Soul Twin, you will also experience the true meaning of “The Two become as One” and will have each other to help navigate the rest of your awakening.

UPDATE: Over a year later, this post is still gathering comments and private messages. Please check out the newest post on this same topic:  I Think She's My Soul Twin, but We're Both Married

104 thoughts on “I’ve Just Met My Soulmate, but Am Already Happily Married…Help!”

  1. Hi,

    I am married since 3 years (sort of an arranged marriage) with no kids. My husband is not a very emotional or expressive person but I know he loves me a lot. I am the first ever girl in his life, while I have had previous relationships. Last year in oct I was in Paris and met up with a senior over drinks and dinner. In college we had never ever spoken, but we connected so much that I cannot explain. We kept in touch over wtsapp. He made me feel like I had never felt before. We had so much in common. And before we knew it we were madly in love with each other. He is unmarried. And has told me that I am the girl of his dreams and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. he is as much into this relation as much as I am. But I dont know what to do now.
    My husband will be shattered if I leave him. My parents and parents in law will be really hurt as in India, divorce is a BIG thing. I am going mad every single day. I dont know what to do. My husband is a very nice person, I really care for him and respect him but am not able to love him. Please can you tell me what I should do?
    The person I love is also an amazing person. He has never ever pressured me to quit everything and go to him. he understands my situation and how difficult a decision it would be for me.
    I honestly dont know what to do. Can you please help me.

    1. Live your life, not others. You already know the answer within you, just follow your gut intuition, I promise it will be worth all the living and not the zombie like state you’re in.

  2. I reached this page after googled my situation. This article is from long time ago and I’m not sure if someone will reply me or not. But I leave my experience and struggles here in the hope someone might reply.

    I got married last year with a man I spent 1.5 years living together. It’s international marriage, and now I’m living in his country. I had family issues especially with my mother which is so complicated to solve and i got depression 3 years ago. At that time I and him were in long distant relationship. And finally he decided to bring me to his country to make me have a break from all of problems. So it was like I suddenly left my home, and the situation got worse. ( I will not talk details about my family but really it was my limitation. My family nobody cares about me and helped me. ) At that time I was age of 23.
    I was so comfortable to be away from all of problems, and also got a person who loves and cares me. But as time passes it started changing. I know I shouldn’t keep depressed but “Family” is always sticking to you, you know. Fist year I went to back to Japan for 1 week, I did my best to meet them and apologize and face the matters. It seemed like my mother understood me, and I was so happy. But after that she sent me an e-mail that she doesn’t want to meet a evil person like me anymore, she was forcing herself to meet me….

    I was so depressed and felt sad. I wanted to do my best before the wedding party, but he also got boring hearing about my problems….so he started saying “Just forget it.”, “Don’t think!”.
    I was trying my best to act like I am okay, but sometimes I got weak. But he rejected to listen to me, feel it with me. Then suddenly one day, I got this thought ;”So even I am getting married with this man, he will never understand me. Humans are all alone till the death”. Then I started to feeling cold against him a bit.

    Then I started playing online games not to think about negative things. I need to focus on it so I could forget negative thoughts while playing. I also got many good friends all over the world, so it made me feel good as well. I was being open about I am a married woman and kept rejecting all of fluttering guys, but one day I met the guy who might be my soulmate.

    We were just good brother and sister playing together often at first, but since the day we met ,our talks never stops. We chatted and texted on game and we always had so much fun. We had similar taste in music, so it made us get closer. He told me he had rough time but he was thinking to propose his best friend to settle down, and I was so so happy for him. ( His best friend has kids and he was always caring about her and also kids. But they were never couple. So I was listening to his stories to support him.)
    But after a while, something had changed. He asked me if I wanna try to make music with him, because I am a special person to him. and he wants to share that moment with me. I accepted. We live in different countries, so we just work on music on calls, messages and emails.
    And in my heart , I found love for him there, I knew it but I tried to think this won’t last. He told me he likes me so much., but he knows I am married so someday he might disappear not to hurt himself, me and my family. But as time passes, we found that we are a very good team, if he’s the one who starts new story then I am the one following his story to make it more fun, and after that he can make it better again. He said he is no good, but I am too good person who has soothing soul, so he told me maybe we are balancing it. For me, yes he has aching soul but he is the one always giving me energy. And he is the one made me “feel” again after the depression, I was like I lost all interests and my feelings… And he also told me I am the only one made him feel the love in this way.
    He is not the sun but the darkness with full of stars, and I am like “I found the home “. I can’t live without his existence even though we’ve never met in real. But his soul is so close to me and he is always on my mind.
    Few days ago, we found out we have similar family problems, and it is making me even regret about my marriage. Because my husband is not supportive now.

    We both know….maybe we can’t meet each other in real…but sometimes we are crazy to think about making it happens someday. We both feel this is real love, so much comfort, fun and understandings together……
    What should I do…. I am already married on paper. and my wedding party will be held this year, but I don’t want it anymore, because it will make me feel the pain…..in case if we can’t meet, we wish our souls can meet after death……

    (My native language is not English. Sorry if I had any mistakes.)

    1. Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave to be researching your challenge and asking for help.

      There’s no an easy answer and no one can tell you what to do based on this much information.

      Even more important than deciding what to do right now is discovering why you have twice fallen in love long distance. There is a pattern in your own life to be discovered. Understanding it will help you know what you really want to do.

      Is there a counselor or coach you can talk with?

      Please also look through the other articles here on Soulmate Dance. There may be others that can help.

  3. Hello!
    I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. In all honestly, he was my rebound and I did not expect things to progress this far. I love his so much. He is my bestfriend, my confidant. However, I’ve had my doubts for almost half of the relationship. We constantly argue about stupid things (I’ll admit that most of the time I start it) but don’t all couples? We went on a break last year because of some issues and reluctantly and not ready to, I got back together with him because he seemed hurt. I was not as committed to the relationship as I was before – I kissed a couple people at the club and longed to be single. Even despite the fact that we are two totally different people with not a lot in common, I love him and my fear of being alone led me to stay with him. Fast forward a year later and I think one Of my coworkers is the person I’m meant to be with. We have so much in common, he makes me smile just thinking of him, he’s nice and funny, and he’s moving to Sweden at the end of this month. I don’t know why, but I feel like this is the person I’m meant to be with. Even though he’s moving, I find myself debating more than even about ending my currently relationship and even doing a volunteer project for a few months in Sweden. If the couple of months I have known this individual, he has made more effort than my boyfriend has since we’ve been dating. He wants to go out and do things and he plans stuff like Swing dancing lessons and Christmas movie dates (none of which my boyfriend has done). I haven’t done anything intimate with this individual (it’s been strictly an emotional affair). What should I do? I can’t stop crying and thinking about it because I love my current boyfriend and don’t want to hurt him. I’m afraid if I break up with him, that I’m possibly missing out on an amazing life that I could have. But I feel the same way about the other guy. What should I do? Please and thank you!

  4. I came upon this article after Googling my situation, and it has been kind of reassuring reading the endless commentary from others who are also torn in so many ways.
    I am a modern younger person in my mid-20s, so my situation isn’t exactly like the others here, but the feeling is all the same. I have been in my long-term relation for 6 yrs. now, and it’s always been a difficult ride. He isn’t an easy person to deal with due to a rough past & just being a sensitive person who can’t seen to let go of past trauma. I have been the only positive thing that he’s ever had in his life (in his own words) so he is very deeply in love (or infatuation you should probably call it) with me b/c of this. He has anger & insecurities & negative thoughts that make him extremely difficult to reason with sometimes. But of course we have great times together. But angering him is all-too-easy. It seems like it’ll always be another silly argument that I am too familiar with, then we’ ll be good again until the next time it happens. He’s a very dramatic & emotionally immature person. After so many yrs though he seems to finally listen to me when we have arguments/discussions & I bring up how unhappy he has made me with his issues. He seems to truly want to better himself so I can be happy as I always tell him that’s all I ever wanted to be, but haven’t been b/c of this. So as he is maturing & working on his life journey of learning & improving himself for the sake of his mental health & our relationship…. I think I may have somewhat accidentally encountered the person I truly desire to spend my life with– or maybe a fun few yrs. anyway.
    The good but silly part is, I haven’t met this person in-person yet. Given that, we both still quickly realized we are so insanely similar & believe/don’t believe in all the same things, plus the physical attraction. We are from the same state, but live almost two hrs apart & he doesn’t currently have a mode of transportation, plus we both agreed that it wouldn’t be appropriate for us to meet-up in these circumstances. So it goes on as an online-only fantasy where we message pretty frequently, and we occasionally mutually verbalize how we wonder when we will actually meet, and when the right time will come for me to become a free person so we can be together one day. The thought of being with him & sharing life together makes me so excited & hopeful to see what the future holds.
    I don’t like to disappoint or hurt people… and this type of situation can very easily leave us ALL hurt in different ways. I don’t fully want to give-up on my partner who loves me so much, but I also shouldn’t be guilted into staying with him forever if I feel like someone else completes me better. But of course there’s the enormous unknown, where I don’t even know how long or how well a relation with this new person would last, or if it’s truly a good idea. But knowing that the new person wants to be with me as I do with him, I also feel terrible to just keep him hanging in-limbo waiting for me to make myself available. This is so exciting & yet so painful all at once. So my constant every day confusion is: when is the right time to randomly end things with someone who thinks I’M his everything? Is it a good idea to do this? Can I handle the guilt of knowing I crushed his heart & left him for another? Is this new person truly my soulmate as it seems? Will this new person be available in the long term so that I don’t have to end my relationship so soon? Does this mean I should just end my relationship since I am always considering it? Will I wait too long & end up ending mine but he has already given up on the idea of me? Will my relationship end more mutually in the future for some reason, making this a little easier for me? Every day this dilemma continuously runs through my mind, and I just hope everything will work out in the least painful way possible for all involved.

    1. May I ask a few questions and be direct with a few thoughts?

      What are you getting out of your current relationship? (His adoration of you is not a complete answer. )

      What are you giving into your current relationship? (Staying so he won’t be hurt by a breakup is not the answer. Breakups always have an element of painfulness. So does staying when a relationship has expired. )

      Do you really want to nurture a relationship with this new person and everything that could mean (possibly moving, possibly supporting someone who does not have transportation) or is he just exciting and different?

      And most direct of all, what was your hoped-for outcome in sharing this?

      Asking this took courage. Are you willing to go deep within yourself and explore? A willingness to ask yourself what is really going on is an essential and powerful first step. Coaching with me or someone else would be a good next step.

      Much love

    2. Wow, this sounds so familiar. I am in the position of the new man you have met only I am female and was talking to a person whom sounds exactly like your partner. I don’t know how his gf feels about their relationship at all, but he sounds like you in terms of we met online but we live in different countries. He’s never said he loves her, but they have lived together for 5 almost 6 years. He depends on her and fears leaving the relationship due to the unknown. He is exactly as you’ve described your bf, and while he’s said he loves me, and I would go to meet him in a heartbeat, at the same time he’s terrified to meet and then not know what decision to make with his current life. His relationship seems just ok and convenient, and I’ve told him I want to give him more, but it’s up to him to make that decision. Kind of like it’s up to you to make yours. You’re not in Australia by chance are you? Haha

  5. Hello everyone. It’s been good for me reading through this page. Although I have not managed to read all. It’s fascinating to hear what people have got through.

    I have been left confused, worried and shaken by a recent meeting.

    Right now, I live with my partner, we are both early 30s. We have been together for nearly 10 years, and I would regard our relationship as strong. We’ve been through some incredibly tough times. Her mum died of breast cancer about 5 years ago. This for her was an uplifting and awe-inspiring experience, which she has written about publicly. She was a wonderful woman. Aside from that we’ve both experienced living in London together for the past 8 years. We love this city and honestly have managed to get a lot out of it despite it being a difficult place to get by.

    We’ve been there for each other throughout and I love her.

    Shortly after moving together to London, I visited some friends at a festival in Edinburgh. There I met someone I’ve known since being a teenager in my home town. We weren’t particularly close back then, I couldn’t be sure if we’d ever had a conversation. But we knew who each other. We had an immediate and deep connection, one which I could not be sure I had experienced before. I don’t remember much about our time together then but it was undoubtedly a brief emotional affair. When I left for home I confided via text that I had kept my current girlfriend a secret. I no longer have those messages but they were full of understanding. We had experienced something strong, but had both decided to let it go. She eventually emigrated to Australia, I got on with my life and would only wonder what might have been.

    This weekend, we met again. A friend organises a yearly get-together centred around bringing people from my hometown together and she was there. On arrival we hugged, she sat next to me. I did not know if she would remember, I was looking forward just to seeing her again as a friend. As we started to chat it became immediately obvious our connection was as deep and as strong as the first time. She claimed early on to not remember meeting me in Edinburgh. By the end of the night I worry it couldn’t have been more obvious that there was something between us. We clocked eyes regularly and couldn’t stop talking to one another. When I left we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek.

    Right now. I don’t know if this is one-sided. I intend to meet her again soon in the hope of clarifying what these feelings mean. I feel like I’m walking into change, but it could be that I have simply found a new great friend who reminds me of home. After all, there has been no infidelity on either occasion. I’m also keeping tabs on what it might be in my current relationship which might be sparking this connection.

    Tell me I’m deluded, but know that just writing this has been of some help. How can 6 years pass without meeting in-between, and result in the same immediate chemistry. I’m almost certain I’ve never felt like it before.

    What does she tell me about my current relationship?
    What does it mean that it has happened a 2nd time?
    Could she really have forgotten the first time we met?

    I want to hold on to her in my life regardless. I believe there is something important here. Can I trust myself, if I can then I can tell my girlfriend, so why have I not. The combination of fear, unknown and joy of spending time with her again is difficult to stomach and has left me in tears this evening.

    I finish for now. Who knows where this story will end.

    1. You’re asking yourself a lot of good questions. Stay with them and listen for the answers. They will come if you are open to whatever they have to say.

      Funny thing about chemistry: Yes, in that moment we are feeling a connection of some sort, but not all of them are romantic. Some are a sense of familiarity, reminding us of a happy time or experience. That can be very broad like subconsciously recalling the freedom or dreams of our youth, or very specific to a particular person or event. Those flashes can also be connecting to something unhappy or even toxic. Mistaking chemistry moments are partly why people keep creating the same situations and relationships over and over.

      That feeling of chemistry is calling up an emotion from some time in your past. When any of us feel that flash of chemistry, are we willing to pause and figure out what that emotion really is and what it represents? If not, we’re susceptible to racing off, chasing the memory of a powerful emotion that may or may not be in our best interest now. Are you willing to figure out what the feeling is really telling you first?

      You may also want spend some time considering your current relationship. All relationships get stale without careful tending. Remembering the original attraction may lead to realizing what you have already is good. It could also lead to things you can do to renew the pizzazz. Or it could lead to realizing your current relationship has run its course. Regardless, you owe it to yourself and your partner to feel what you have now and what you perceive may be missing. Unless you are willing to do that, you risk carrying your own restlessness into a new relationship.

      All the best

  6. A few months ago in my kid’s gym class I was going to talk to the teacher, a new teacher I hadn’t seen before, about something related to the class. The moment he looked at me and smiled something happened, something I repressed for months because I’m married. That moment was like time stopped, I couldn’t even finish what I was going to tell him. For the longest time I didn’t want think about it, about that moment. But it’s engraved in my memory and it forever will because I’ve never felt anything like this before. It was months later I realized he was probably my soulmate or something like that. We have never spoken much to each other. When we looked at each other we would just smile, big smile. There were times he just came and stood next to me, never speaking to me. His presence felt so comfortable, so familiar, just standing there next to me, looking in the same direction, without a word. I would feel his energy. We have barely talk yet I feel such a strong connection. I couldn’t continue to ignore this and gave him a note saying I’d like to be friends with him. He’s never replied and he’s acted strange sometimes avoiding looking at me, other times he’s all smiles. I really don’t know how he feels, if he feels the same connection. He knows I’m married and he saw me with my husband recently and that moment I felt such emotional pain and agony like I was feeling it for the both of us. I’ve become depressed and have had suicidal thoughts. I just see him at the gym from time to time, we don’t talk besides the usual greetings.

    1. A-girl, I am in a similar situation although we did go out together always acknowledging my husband and he knew we were together but trusted me. We have had 2 emotional hugs but at the moment we could have kissed, I drew back. That flagged the end of the road for him. He now oscillates between being unkind and friendly. When I’m with him, I feel happy. We can be sitting at a table with other people and I am just happy he’s there. I think some of his problem is with self-worth. He thinks I don’t think he’s worth it. And my problem is I can’t stop thinking about him. Since I’ve known him, I’ve regained my love of life and my sense of humour and fun.

      1. We’re in the middle of the worst turmoil yet. He misunderstood something in an email I sent him and he replied with the most vile email and he refuses to go back to my email to see that I didn’t say anything to take offense at. I’ve asked him to re-read it and then apologise before I’ll see him again. It felt like the right thing to do at the time. His behaviour hurts me.

        1. Lots to unpack here.

          Misunderstandings happen in every relationship. It’s part of being human. Our goal is always to try to see it from the other person’s perspective and also to consider how we would want to be treated if the tables were turned.

          Boundaries are vital to our own wellbeing. However, they are not meant to make someone bend to our will.

          Ask yourself if there is a way to meet in the middle, then ask yourself if you are willing to meet him there.

          There are always two sides to every story. Are you willing to hear his side and find a middle ground? You were brave in beginning this conversation. If you would like to continue it I have four 1:1 coaching spots open for the rest of this year.

          1. Hello and thanks, Anne, for reading! I could write a lot but will try to keep it (relatively) brief. In a nutshell.. I’ve been married for two years, we have two kids. Hubby is a gentle and caring soul, is very ‘acts of service’, but isn’t good at expressing his emotions or communicating or knowing the right/helpful things to say to if feeling a bit down. I’ve been honest with him about this stuff, but I think these are just things he’s always gonna struggle with.

            Since this msg is already longer than I was planning, I’ll cut to the chase. I started following a famous Kpop group (on FB and Twitter). Well one of the group members in particular. I wasn’t and have never been looking for something outside of my marriage. Fast forward three or so months, and what was originally him ‘liking’ one or two encouraging comments I had written on his Twitter account (cos I’m a very encouraging, kind-hearted sort of person.. I’ve been told, anyway) turned into us following each other on Twitter and having some pretty intense chats. We’re kindred spirits, you might say. Very high emotional intelligence, intuition, many different talents and skills, very good communicators, same sense of humour, both very kind and caring. When the language started to become a little physical, though, I said ‘No, I’m not doing this.’

            I initially went zero contact with him, but because, according to him, my kindness and encouragement of him early on was the catalyst for him feeling in the depths of despair and alone to knowing that someone cared, he still wants me on his life because he says that I am the whole world to him and my existence is what gives him smile each day and gives him the motivation to be a better person. So we’re still in each other’s lives, with him declaring his love for me on a very regular basis, and me simultaneously feeling so cherished and understood, but knowing that my life and his are going to be a bit of a living hell, for as long as we’re in each other’s lives, with this complicated and very surreal friendship (surreal because I’m just an ordinary, not famous person , but he’s not!).

            I love my husband but I guess you would say that now I unfortunately love two people, and I’m unfortunately in very deep emotionally, to the extent that I can’t imagine cutting this person out of my life completely. I plan to tell my husband about all this over the next few days. I love my husband and I know from reading some of your advice on here that this other person and I may just be in each other’s lives for a season (as friends), because we’re able to help each other to grow in various ways (because that’s been happening.. it’s a very mutually beneficial friendship, but with extremely intense lingering feelings on both sides).

            Many thanks for reading this essay!!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏

      2. I’m so glad you’re asking. That took courage.

        May I be direct?

        If he knows you are married, he may have read your pulling back from a kiss as signaling you are not available. Have you paused to consider his true perspective or is assuming it’s about his self worth a self-protection for you?

        What would you like to happen with these two relationships?

        These are big questions (kudos to you for asking) better explored via conversation and coaching. I have four 1:1 spots open for the rest of this year.

  7. This article did wonders for me. I’ve been married for 16 years with 4 kids but then last few years I have had personal/spiritual growth that has made me and my wife uncomfortable at times. This has culminated in intense feelings for another woman who i assumed was my soulmate. But I also realize pursuing this relationship would destroy my family. If it is truly fate/destiny I don’t think the consequences would be so great. Yet I do not know how the two could coexist.

    Your article provided wonderful perspective on this topic that I haven’t read elsewhere. Thank you for your thoughtful perspective which has helped me explore my feelings and decided on a better path forward.

    1. Thank you for your kind words.

      It’s a tough situation. Remember that being aware of its toughness is a call to you to make some kind and possibly tough decisions regarding your ongoing personal and spiritual growth. I’m very glad for you in finding your path forward.

      Much love and encouragement

  8. This hits so home for me. I have been married for 23 years and turned 61 this year. I have been completely faithful to my wife since we first met. We have raised 6 children, 3 of mine and 3 of hers and are now empty nester’s. Almost 3 years ago I had a career change that brought us to Denver. I need to go back in time to my previous marriage so all of this hopefully is understandable. I was married to my previous wife for 12 years. During this period we had 3 wonderful children. However, the last 5 years of the marriage was pure hell as she started to drink way to often. Tried counseling but was told she needed it and for this she despised me. Finally we divorced and a year later I met my current wife. I was still pretty broken from everything I had gone through over the previous 6 yrs. but she was kind, funny and caught my fall, I felt I had enough love in me for her. It’s now 23 years later and our life is good but it has been pretty vanilla for several years. I am way more outgoing the she is.

    Two months ago I was at the first advisory board meeting I was asked to join for a company we do business with. It was a small group of 10 and one woman. As soon as ( call her Kay) both of us looked at each other there was a feeling that came over me that I had never felt previously. I’ve had several relationships over my life and not one of them had the effect on me like the initial few seconds of my encounter with Kay. During the first day we spoke professionally and that evening we all went out to dinner. Kay asked If I would like to see this fountain and we went down to it. Over the course of the next hour or so we talked and laughed and we both could tell there was a strong connection. After this we went back to the hotel and went to our own rooms.

    The next day was similar to the first. That evening we all went out to dinner again and then a few of us went to the hotel lounge. About an hour after that I decided it was time to head up to my room and Kay said she was going to do the same thing. We got into the elevator and we were kind of laughing about a couple of the people in our group and I asked her what she was going to do. She said she might read or watch TV. This is where my heart totally took over and it’s something I had never done before. I asked her what I think is the craziest thing to say… I asked her if she would like to join me and watch a little TV with me, Kay said yes.

    We went up to my room and Kay sat in the chair as I searched for something on the TV really not knowing what the hell I was doing. I sat on the bed and said looks like the normal crap and we laughed. I asked her If she wanted to sit on the bed with me and she did.

    We spent the next 45 min in each others arms involved in passionate kissing, no sex at all, but we both realized that would have been an easy transition. She said she should leave I told her that was ok.

    The next day we were back to being professionals and when it was time to go to the airport we were all saying our goodbyes and I hug Kay lighly and gave her a small peck that no one saw.

    That was almost 2 months ago and we haven’t seen each other since but we talk and text everyday.
    Because there is a 1200 mile distance between us we know it makes any normal relationship difficult. We say were really close friends but we talk to each other very differently. I know we are both in deep like for each other if not love but won’t say this because of the situation, but I do love her and I believe she loves me as well. We feel as if we’ve known each other before. You see Kay is a Past Life Regressionist and has written a book on this. She teaches this and does reading as well.

    My problem and I feel so bad inside because I have not said anything about being married. I know I am going to have to say something I’m just trying to decide how. I spent the last month drafting a letter because I know I could never say exactly how I feel over the phone. I think the reason I have not said anything is because I don’t want to lose her. Currently she has just gone through a major surgery so I don’t want to drop this on her right now.

    I am a total mess over this. I can’t sleep well. I go to bed thinking of her and I wake up and Kay is the first thing on my mind. I have never felt this way in my life for someone. I know the brain produces a ton of chemicals to make you feel euphoric, in love etc. I get this but I know this is not only the case.

    I really don’t want to hurt my wife and I don’t want to hurt whom I believe is my soulmate. I am at a complete lose as what to do because no matter what at least 2 of us are going to be in pain.


    1. If you need or want someone to talk to, please send a message via the contact form. Officially, I’m not accepting new clients, but occasionally make an exception. Sometimes it’s nice to simply have someone listen as we say out loud what’s on our mind. Whatever you decide, remember this – All will be well.

    2. My heart goes out to you in many ways, perhaps the biggest are your desire to do the right thing and your admission of letting fear of losing this new feeling cause you to drag your feet.

      Since you’ve asked for help, please allow me to be candid. This is not something that can be answered in a response to a comment. What I can offer is a call. I have four coaching spots open for the remainder of this year. Please message me via the contact page if you would like to set up an appointment.

      Either way, continue asking yourself good questions and listening to the answers.

  9. ComplicatedLife

    Most of the posts sound like an ‘affair fog’. It’s perfect combination of grass is greener, wanting what you can’t have, and familiarity breeds contempt syndrome. There are billions of people in the world and to think that you’d never come across someone with more chemistry, attraction, and even compatibility with your current spouse is a very short sighted view.
    Love or should I say infatuation is a helluva drug. I won’t deny that. It sounds like a case of a crush who also happens to like you back. We can’t explain why we crush on certain people and not others, but at the end of the day, most of us have had a few. If you allow yourself to dwell on it for too long thinking this new person is a soul mate, you’ll automatically devalue your current relationship and undermine what you had. You have to safeguard your hearts or end up miserable like so many of people.
    My wife said she didn’t know she was ‘unhappy’ until she met her affair partner. Now, let her tell it, she’s miserable, and has “been for a while” even though she never mentioned it to me until after him.
    Now she swears that her new affair partner is the love of her life.

    The nature of all relationships is that time, stress, kids, routine, boredom will all eventually creep in and ruin your marriage if you run it on autopilot thinking the love will see you through. WE BOTH made that mistake.
    I believe you when you say that the feeling is all too real in the moment. We all feel like our ‘loves’ are special somehow….until that next person comes along and fulfills whatever needs our current spouses don’t or we simply get bored.
    I’ve learned that with lust, feelings come first, actions later. With love, feelings follow action. Marriage is about making that transition. True Love is a choice, infatuation isn’t. We fall in lust, but we learn to truly love each other when the ‘new car smell’ wears off. This is why committing and honoring your vows are important. Perhaps your spouse is the universe’s way of showing us that. True Love is sacrifice, we often forget that when smitten by a shot from cupid’s arrow.

    Think about it, If God or ‘the Universe’ wanted you and that “special person” to be together, would it really come at the price of destroying someone who loves you, crushing your kids, and losing your integrity by dishonoring vows you willfully and intentionally took? Perhaps this new soul mate is really just a test of your integrity. Maybe your spouse really is your true soul mate after all.

    I’m just saying, in the end, the success rate of ‘love’ marriages where both people intended to love and cherish each other forever based on chemistry, lust, similarity or whatever seems to be pretty low. Everyone thinks that their case will be different (at least good people do anyway).

    We all try to teach or kids to be stand up people and honor their commitments and never to give up just because they’re not happy. IE schoolwork, studying, work, chores, a season of teamsports….whatever. The lesson is that we all have to do some things that we don’t necessarily want to at the time. Why is creating a family and raising a home environment different. Especially when your spouse is willing to put the work in.

    In those cases, we teach them to make the best of it. But it seems to me that the extra games of fortnight (your chemical infatuation) is more important than finishing that school assignment (YOUR family).
    I feel really bad for you guys. It must be a tough position to be in. In my eyes, at least in the case of my wife, she’s making herself miserable as we did have a pretty good marriage. She said so two years before her affair. Now She is only miserable because she allowed her boredom and chemistry with another guy get the best of her. Had she told me before she fell in infatuation, I would have gladly addressed it. Now we’re all suffering.
    I can’t tell you what to do with your lives, and I know it must be hard since you’re willing to risk your families and integrity (well it’s pretty much already gone for a lot of you). You are laying at the feet of your new ‘love’ deception, a broken home, betrayal, the heart of your spouse who trusted you, and the tears of your kids. I can’t see how it’s worth it, but I guess lust is a helluva drug.
    Trust me, it HURTS more than being betrayed (which hurts a LOT U HAVE NO IDEA) to see your kids go through so much emotional pain. If you take this route, your lover will be there to comfort you. Lie to you and hold you and tell you that it’s ok what you did. Your kids and poor spouse don’t have that luxury. Just imagine if your new ‘soul mate’, did the same thing to you after promising they never would. Now add family memories, your own sacrifices, and children to the mix. It probably feels a lot like that, if not worse.
    You are destroying something that’s supposed to be hard and beautiful for something that…. well, i guess in your eyes is hard and beautiful.

  10. I love how life works in so many funny ways. I dated a guy whom I thought was the right person for me, we dated for 6 years and got married. Most of our relationship was long distance and we worked it out, we made it through tough and rough times. I even decided to go oversees to be with him. He was all I thought I wanted. Now I’m newlywed and went back home to visit my loves ones. Here is when my life took a turn and became a complete mess, one night while spending time with my loved ones I crossed paths with some one else…
    This new person made a mess out of me, as soon as I saw him I felt like an instant connection, like a magnet pulling me towards him, stronger than I ever felt before. I tried so hard to avoid any kind of contact with him but eventually I talked to him, danced with him, we even kept in touch over the phone. I knew what I was doing was wrong, I knew I should be faithful to my husband and to the promise and commitment I made before God. But it didn’t matter how hard I tried to resist, to ignore it, to deny it, deep down I knew he meant something to me.
    We saw each other the week after, and those emotions I felt the first time I saw him came rushing to me like wild fire all over my body. We met with my loved ones and everyone could see the chemistry, the connection and the attraction we both radiated for one another. Everyone knew it was dangerous for us to be so close, but we just couldn’t help it. He talked to me that night and I found out he feels the same way for me. That very first day he saw me, he felt it too, the connection was like a wild fire spreading all over our bodies, like gravity couldn’t hold us back, like everything fell in place. We both felt as if we knew each other for so long, as if that sparkle we both felt when we first saw each other was our souls saying “I finally found you, my home.” I knew we were on a dangerous situation and being so close to each other we just didn’t know when that ticking bomb of emotions could explode. We talked again and we both expressed our feelings and how hard it is for both of us to know that although we just met, we have intense feelings for each other. It is painful to know that this feeling of belonging to someone else and can’t be with each other because I am a married woman.
    It is painful to know there is someone else that is been loving me for more than 6 years and has no clue of what is going on deep in my heart, is so painful to know that this encounter with him is making me question my marriage and everything else. Is so painful to know that him and I will never be together because I am not a free woman. I don’t want to hurt my husband because of his true heart and love for me, but I am in pain when trying so hard not to think about him. We made a decision of not contact each other because that could jeopardize my marriage. We left it as just two souls who missed the opportunity to find each other and be together. I keep telling myself to stop thinking about him, to delete all pictures we took together, his number but I can’t. There’s something deep inside me begging me not to. I keep telling myself that I’ll be okay but I can’t help to think about him. I feel and get mad at God, I’m trying to make a sense of what this means, what kind of twisted game is he playing with my life? why now? why me? why him?
    It is so hard not to think about him, when I left him I felt as if a part of me stayed behind, it felt as if life was being ripped away from me, I’m in pain and is taking all the strength I have to not contact him.

    1. I feel you! I am in the exact same situation. Only difference is, I didn’t date my husband for a long time before we got married. It was more of an arranged marriage. I really need help. This is driving me crazy. What should I do? leave my husband for this man, who I know loves me a lot, just the way I do and wants to spend his life with me. My husband loves me a lot too. He will be shattered if I leave. I know this comment was a long time before. Would really like to know what you did and how it turned out for you.

  11. My twin pushed me away because she doesn’t want to hurt my family, and she can’s stand sharing me with someone else. She made the right thing, because I can’t leave my wife and my baby girl now. But I still can’t stop thinking about her, and I know she’s thinking of me too. It’s really hurt.

  12. Why Me? This is weird for me. I never post any stories or personal matters online and for whatever reason feel moved to do so. I’m trying to stay general with very little detail (others not in favor may stumble onto this) but at the same time trying to give the full story. I’m married over a dozen years with 2 kids. Marriage to me has always been something along the lines “no big deal if it happens and no big deal if it doesn’t”. I never believed in LOVE at least not what people make it out to be. Yes I settled. I was put on the spot and because my spouse and I “got along” and treated me well I thought ok, I guess this is love and this is what we are supposed to do next. I know – please dont lecture me. Fast forward over a dozen years, things were good/ok for the most part – no physical abuse, no substance abuse, no cheating (that changes you’ll see as you read). In fact on the outside everyone viewed us as the couple that had it all together. Just doing the daily things we all do.

    A couple of years ago I was at an event and my path crossed with someone that has completely changed my world, my heart, my soul. EVERYTHING. It was a short sentence or two, nothing special, and as I walked away it was the weirdest thing. Something hit me emotionally, spiritually, etc I literally said to myself “What was that?” I shrugged it off and in 24 hours would be returning to “normal life”. Or so I thought.

    A few weeks later guess who I run into? Yes, my person from the event. We visited for a short time and the connection was unreal. It was on a whole different level. I cannot even put it into words. Powerful. Indescribable. It was as if one had found their other half. Their purpose in this world. You could tell we both knew it but neither of us would yet say anything about it.

    At this point nothing has happened but you can tell when we are in each other’s presence the world stops. It doesn’t exist. There is a power/force when we are together. Our communication continues and my person tells me one day – “That day our paths crossed for just a few seconds, I walked away with a feeling I have never felt. I was like hmmm what was that?”. I couldn’t believe it. I was floored. If you recall from my description of our encounter that was the same moment and feeling I had. It was almost like they literally read my mind that day. It was so difficult and gut wrenching to tell my person I was married. I felt like my soul, my very being was being ripped from me. I thought here it is, what I never believed in but hoped might have a chance of being true, what I had always thought love should be if it werent this madeup thing – it’s all in front me within my grasp but I can’t. I’m married. We both were completely devastated.

    We continued our friendship and swore we would never cross that line. We both knew this connection is like no other and it is something very few people get to experience in their lifetime. The connection between the two of us was so intense, I have never felt something so powerful in my life. Something that feels so unstoppable.

    Needless to say because of that the line got crossed. And when it did the connection which we thought could not possibly get any more stronger picked up intensity. I’m not a fluffy, new age hippie, crystal rock holding type of person but when it crossed the line the only way I can describe it is it was on a level that was completely out of this world. It was like the merging of two souls that were made for each other. It was unreal. Like the universe finally lined up exactly as it was supposed to. If I could bottle that feeling and sell it I would not only be a rich person, I would literally OWN the world.

    I have always been a considered a person with strong values. In some ways judgmental at times. No gray in my world. But now that has changed. As I said earlier this person has completely changed my heart, my soul, everything. I have become a more compassionate person. I’ve become kinder towards others and always lending a helping hand. This person has turned the switch for life to the on position for me. They make me want to be a better person. But I’ve also had some serious internal struggles. When the line was crossed I was a mess. I was someone that people looked up to. Someone that always had the answers. Someone who never did wrong. I FELT HORRIBLE. Many sleepness nights. I lost 20 pounds (I’m a fit person so I wasnt pleased with that hahaha). When I was able to sleep I would wake up with panic attacks – unable to breathe . Never had that happened to me before. I thought panic attacks were BS. LOL. What will my children think of me? I’m such a horrible person. What would coworkers think of me? I’m such a horrible person. What would family think of me? I’m such a horrible person. What does GOD think of me? I’m such a horrible person. What is going to happen to my soul? I’m a horrible person and deserve to be punished to the extreme. Those were all the thoughts in my head. I was a complete wreck. So here I was my soul completely tied to another with a connection words fail to describe. A love that feels like a long lost love that has rightfully been reunited and at the same time battling my internal struggles because I have committed the ultimate betrayal. For someone viewed by others as having it altogether, I will admit I ended up in some very dark places at times.

    I’ve gotten over some of those thoughts but my spirit is broken. My person and I cant quit each other. We try and try and just cant. Its as if someone is taking away my oxygen. But at the same time how can I break another person’s heart/spirit by leaving a marriage that has completely gone dead? I feel stuck. No way out. I have commitments, responsibilities, CHILDREN. Some days I think I can make it. Other days my heart and soul just ache for my person. It becomes unbearable. I look around at people, I listen to them talk. I drop little hints almost like I am waiting for someone to give me permission to be happy or someone to give me the reasoning why it would be ok to make the jump. Then guilt slams me in the face. So I started my post with WHY ME? Yeah… why me? So this is where I am today. We both are heartbroken. Our spirit broken. I feel like I am on autopilot in life. Very little makes me smile other than my children. I dont talk much anymore. I hurt. My soul hurts.

    1. Janelle Tonini

      I think you’ re over thinking this. If your not happy with your marriage then get a divorce. It’s worse to cheat on your husband than to leave him. If you stay married then he won’t be able to find someone more compatible for himself. If your truly as unhappy as you say, then your probably not being a very good spouse or mother. Your husband might be as unhappy as you are. I don’t mean to sound harsh but, you married for all the wrong reasons and now your husband and children are going to pay as well. However, your only human. People do make mistakes. As someone who’s been through a divorce it’s unpleasant for all involved that’s true. Ultimately though, what are you teaching your children by staying?? That’s it’s ok to be miserable?? It’s ok to have a spouse that you don’t love??? Duty is a good thing, but it’s sounds like your using it as an excuse to punish yourself because you feel guilty. Your going to need to make a desicion eventually, if you don’t your husband will probably figure it out anyway. You keep saying “why me”, well its because your reaping the consequences of your bad life choices. (Marrying for the wrong reasons and having an affair) Use this as a life lesson and try not to make the same mistakes twice. If you love this person as much as you say then you should be with him. Your kids will eventually be happier with a mother who isn’t miserable all the time. I hope it works out for you.

    2. I understand what you are going through. People are assuming you are a woman writing this but I read it from a mans perspective… not sure why. I am a woman myself. Dated a man for 7 years and married him even though 6 months before I found he was keeping something from me that made me feel I didn’t know him at all. I married anyways because I thought it was cold feet and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it that I trusted, can you believe that out of all the people who attended my wedding. Anyways 6 months after the wedding things began to unravel. I met a man who turned my life right side up. Lucky for me my husband was aching to connect with other woman and other experiences so I used it to get out. We separated and vowed to remain friends. For three years I’ve been on this on going spirtitual, awakening. I felt like I’ve been slowly emerging out of this dark cave that I buried myself in with all of the pain and trauma from my past and present. We seemed to heal each other and hang on to each other as we were slammed with challenges one after the next. One challenge including an aggressive skin cancer on his face that rocked our world for a year of that 3 at his age of 35. It left him disfigured on one side of his face but it never broke his resilience and spirit.

      When I met him I didn’t know if what was pulling me to him was going to be forever. There were so many odd and familiar things that some may call coincidences but I call signs illuminating my path. I felt there was a purpose here for me. I felt we were about to go on a journey that would evolve us into better, stronger, kinder, more awakened human beings. I also felt a darkness looming (which ultimately ended up being the cancer that I helped him through). I needed him and he needed me and there was no one else who was going to be able to fulfill that for each other but each other. Looking back it’s such a beautiful thing. A gift really.

      You might be surprised to hear that my ex and I remained friends through everything and we have considered reconciling. We never felt like we ended things but had put them on pause to go on our own journeys. We both feel we are better people from our experiences and better equipped to try again, giving it our all. If it doesn’t work a second time we are mature enough to handle an amicable divorce. My “soul mate” or possibly “twin soul” discovered some things while living together. He remained with not wanting children and I ended up deciding I wanted to experience that aspect of life. He also realized that he cannot handle conflict in relationship with the conflict he experiences daily as an attorney. He wants to lead a more peaceful life that singledom would allow him. I realized relationships were and have always been a priority for me. We basically came to the conclusion that we may have different life paths and forcing the other to conform and sacrifice would actually create resentment. We feel we can maintain a friendship and this is something my ex would be okay with because he knows how close we are. I cannot bear to let him go. He is also like my oxygen. But we have navigated a way to still be in each other’s lives, to root for each other, to be there for each other because we both have never met anyone who we have had that connection with but it doesn’t automatically equal forever as something more than lovers or friends. It just is and it was one of the best things that has ever happened to us.

      And don’t listen to people who will try to shame or guilt you. This is not something life or anyone has or could prepare you for. It is a path less traveled for sure and those who don’t travel it are typically scared. The best advice I can give to you is to try everyday to be a good person. Not a saint, but a good person. Be open. Be honest. Be fair. Be loving. Following these should carry you through this experience and to the other side. My separated husband who I may reconcile with does not hate me. He saw a change in me that was positive and not self-destructive. In his own journey he also discovered many things and of one of those things was the part he played (or lack of) in our own previous relationship. He is much more awakened and much more aware and for me, I have always felt that I picked him to marry for a reason. When I met him I felt he would be in my life forever. My “soul mate” is the most amazing person I have ever met. He is everything I want to enrich and fuel my very being but that doesn’t make it so he is the one for me. Or maybe he is but that’s for later in life. I don’t know. I just see that now we have bonded and weathered storms together we would be holding each other back from making other big accomplishments in our lives and we need to honor that. Flow where life takes you and be a good person. Be someone you could be proud of. My ex and I laugh that the people we’d invite to our wedding today are not the people we invited to our wedding 4 years ago. Most of the people who came to our wedding stopped being our friends all together and disappeared when we mentioned separation to them. We were also looked to by many people who saw us a power couple, a couple who has their shit together, a couple who has fun. And we still are.

    3. I’m there right now identical to you but my children are all grown ups with marriage of their own. but my wife is sick with fibromyalgia, if I go who would take care of her?

  13. You are a grown woman acting like a silly girl. You did a terrible thing that will have bad consequences for you and your family. Love spells are against free will of other person (spiritual violence). I advise you to find somebody who could remove the spell. Your behaviour is very selfish. Now you are even promoting that. Shame.

  14. I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until i met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business. He is really powerful. My husband divorced me for no reason for almost 4 years and i tried all i could to have him back cos i really love him so much but all my effort did not work out, we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and he woke up one morning and he told me he’s going on a divorce, i thought it was a joke and when he came back from work he tender to me a divorce letter and hepacked all his belonging from my house and left. i ran mad and i tried all I could to have him back but all did not work out. I was lonely for almost 4 year, So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for his full name and his picture. I gave him that. At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos i have tried so manyspell casters and there is no solution, so when he finished with the readings, he got back to me that he’s with a woman and
    that woman is the reason why he left me, The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring him back, but i never believe all this he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days. 3 days later, he called me himself and came to me apologizing and he told me he will come back to me. I can’t believe this, it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution. The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and i got pregnant a month later, we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid. This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him, he has helped many of my friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him. This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster i have ever experienced in life. Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out.. you can reach him here: drosumahtemple@gmailcom CONTACT THIS POWERFUL SPELL Caster…..

  15. being a twin soul myself, who in 3d separation still meets other soulmates, I have learnt is…….

    I will never get legally married.

    It is as if its cover has been blown for me because it seems to chain people together, or if those people are brave enough to walk away from a marriage, they are shunned and scorned by society.

    Contracting someone to love you and no-one else until the day you die (physically or emotionally) is out of fear.

    I think people also build these lives together and put all their wages into the one pot, spending to the limit and/or beyond to create a ‘nice life’. Divorcing you have to detach from the materialistic trinkets you built up, even the kids you love, you fear how much child support you will either have to pay, or maybe not be paid. If you really look at your life and see you have these great things but its tied to a spouse you probably have spiritually outgrown, then maybe its time to start mentally downsizing your life, your expenditures and start thinking about if you didnt have XYZ, what would you want your life to look like.

    Sure I would have a commitment ceremony but I will never tie a man to me through marriage, I want him to be free to love me, but free to move on should he meet someone who he loves.

    And in perfect divine order (that can show up as chaos), I meet a soulmate who is a married man, whilst in separation from my twin (who has a gf and I walked away respecting my twin and his gf) BAH lol. It has reaffirmed to me my stance on marriage, but it has also ignited that independence is a good thing too because I have no fear of ‘losing everything’…..I already walked away from house, cats, car, good job, twin, location. I am now recreating a freer life, less things, more blessings of a connected nature. Father Mother God truly is looking after me, and will look after you too. It was the best thing I ever done as I am having a great time, more than I could imagine. Yes its different and can be scary, but the thought of being in a marriage to a person I no longer am meant to be with is much much scarier. I can see the unhappiness on many married aquaintences, because they are trapped and n fear or staying for the kids. I wish my unhappy mother divorced my father – maybe she wouldnt have been such a bitch to me if she had a happy relationship 😉

    I am here to teach my soulmate this because he has been taken by surprise and is doing the right thing by his wife (hes a good guy who met me and an unlikely attraction came and hit us). If I am meant to be with him then he will have all this conditioning to go through. But he does so on his own, with respect, without me even hinting for him to leave. Otherwise leaving his wife to replace with another woman is kinda missing the point of ‘self love and growth’ and he would be straight back to the comfort stagnation of old templates.

  16. I’m soooo happy I came across this site. I too have found the most amazing person ever. I never knew that you could fall in love with someone instantly, in one day… I constantly think I’ve gone mad. A coworker of mine and I spent the day together we were out of town on business. They live in a different country than I. We simply just planned to have lunch but ended up being together the whole day. I have NEVER felt anything like this before. We were finishing each other’s sentences, we like the same things, same favorite color, Music, and the list goes on and on. It is magical. But this person is a woman also. I’m at the end of my marriage, separated, and divorcing, and this person is single. I’ve been married to this man for years but we finally realized we were torturing ourselves trying to be together for the kids. I knew this woman was special when we speak on the phone we mentioned that it is something we both never experienced. We call it crazy, just an amazing connection. I went to Italy again for work. We went to dinner and walked and had an amazing time. We walked and talked all night. I felt so good because I knew it was real. We met for coffee before I left town and I confessed my feelings and she was shocked. She said she didn’t have the romantic, intimate connection and said she loves men too much. She did ask me about lesbian relationships and said in her Culture it’s not accepted. But acknowledges that we have a connection but a spiritual connection. I was devastated and was thinking she must be lying. We held hands we walked arm and arm and shared things we never shared with anyone. ~ now I know that this can happen. I always thought she wasn’t being honest because something in her was pulling me to her. She says we’re almost like the same person. I hate that I can’t spend the rest of my life with her. I feel totally myself and complete like never before when I’m with her. She’s so shocked that I am attracted to her because she thinks I’m sooo attractive and why would I want “her”. To me she is always the most beautiful person in the room wherever we are. I love her voice, the way she laughs, etc. we laugh until our guts hurt, and when we’re together “as she says,there are no ackward silences.” We can just sit and enjoy. When I left her the very first time, she cried and said I’m so sorry I don’t know where this all is coming from. I thought I knew then that it was mutual. I waited until we met again and now she said it’s not mutual. She has indeed changed my life. I’ve had relationships with women in college etc. many moons ago,but I too adore men. Was not looking for a relationship with a woman, and I don’t want any other woman. But I would spend eternity with her. But I will walk away and get over her. She said she’s glad it was her I chose, but it hurts because she can’t give me what I want. She says her ego is boosted because I want her. But this is torture for me. I wish the romantic feelings could be reciprocated as we continue to have these magical connections. Sooo many things happen all the time that are so scary to me with this person… I adore her. I never knew you could feel so much for someone, and so connected. When I hold her hand it’s as if that’s where my hand belongs… ~She told me the most beautiful things about myself. She gets me, and thinks coming across a person as beautiful and sweet as I is a rarity…

    I just thought it was crazy to have a connection with someone and not be able to be with them forever was ludacris. Now I see it’s common. Maybe she’s my twin flame…. she says we’re the same person just different races…
    I will get over her one day, although she told me not too… I was confused…

  17. I think the worst thing that humans do is ‘settle’ with the wrong people out of fear, complacency, rejection from previous relationships, social pressure, or simply convenience (it’s easier for two people to buy a house, share work, keep pets, have children, etc). Then many times when they do finally bump into someone who would be a much better fit, because they are already ‘settled’ with the wrong person they miss out on spending the rest of their lives being happy and content. It’s pretty tragic.

    I did this myself and it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t regret it. I came out of a longterm relationship in my 20s that was fairly abusive. I panicked at the idea of remaining single for the rest of my life, so when a random nice enough guy asked me out one night I said yes. The relationship wasn’t terrible and he was good looking, but there was constant tension and we never quite fit together. We came from different backgrounds, had different interests, the sex was very mediocre as we weren’t very compatible there either, and he could be pretty selfish and demanding at times (only child syndrome). But I stayed for several years, as it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as my last ex and I didn’t want to be alone.

    Then in my early 30s I met my perfect match through a friend of a colleague. He was a bit older, but otherwise we were so alike that it felt as if we had known eachother forever. He got transfered to my department the next month and I had the best two years of my life working with him. I never imagined a human actually existed on the planet that ticked every single one of my ‘perfect guy’ criteria, but he did! We flirted like crazy the whole time, he would buy me little gifts, managed to get moved over to my desk, would leave sweet little notes under my keyboard, etc, but he backed off a bit when he discovered I already had a boyfriend. Then I began the process of unravelling my relationship, untangling our finances (we shared a home and car) and breaking things off with my boyfriend while we were on holiday. But by the time I had returned and got a chance to speak to this man, someone else had asked him out and, thinking I was unavailable, he had agreed. He had also agreed to end his contract at my office.

    I was absolutely gutted. He seemed pretty depressed as well. But I thought he was happy with this new girlfriend of his, so I said nothing and just tried to be polite and professional for the remaining few weeks. He never found out that I had ended my relationship.

    Four years later, he added me and several other colleagues on Facebook. So now I get to see all of the photos and comments about his girlfriend. I know he isn’t happy, based on several messages others have written to him, and I’m still single although I occasionally date guys in the short term. But I can’t force myself to settle for anyone else now that I know there is my perfect match walking around on the earth. If he was happily married and had a great life, then I would be sad but at least pleased that he had found a great partner. But he just looks stressed or ’empty’ in most of the photos and I recognise that look from when I’ve felt like that. It is so difficult to see someone you care about going through bad things and not be able to say anything or offer support as it would look innappropriate or weird (other than the odd comment or ‘like’, we haven’t really spoken).

    I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will likely remain single for the rest of my life now, and he will likely remain ‘settled’ with this girlfriend. He once told me that he had also been in an abusive relationship and his ex had massively knocked his confidence, and just like me he has settled with the first person that came along afterwards, regardless of whether they were a good match. But I doubt he would ever leave. I was ready to stay with my ex for the rest of my life, and wouldn’t have had the courage to even consider leaving if it hadn’t been for meeting this man. I just wish I hadn’t settled earlier on, as I would have been free and single when I met this man and could be very happily living with/married to him now.

  18. Wow i am so not alone in this i have alot of company. Similiar story 25 years fairly happy a man entered my life through a funeral and a mutual friend. It started as support and it turned into love. I have been away from my hometown he is from hometown we texted every day so much he knew what i was doing every minute. I flew home several times we spent time together we had mutual friends same catholic upbringing,.neighborhood memories we clicked and while we slept together it turned into love. I came.home ready to give up 25 years and my husband had turned his back on me had not spent time with me which allowed me to be in this relationship, i told him and it was fireworks, he found out everything i.also found out he cheated. Life sucked for us for 6 months we didnt trust each other. We r still together i forgave him i still have memories of a love i will never forget but my husband has stepped up he knows i am independent and can go when i am done. I am putting one foot in front of the other. I want this last year to be over . But yes i met the man i probably should have married. But ladies it is the devil you know and the devil you dont know. Chew on that.

  19. I am freshly married, but have been with my husband for some years now. We have children together. When we met I was in a very abusive relationship, I like to believe he saved me. As time has passed I have slowly realized how our similarities were merely on the surface. Sometimes I wonder if he was just brought into my life to awaken me.
    At our core…we are no longer similar. He is a very angry person…naturally so. And I have learned to be so, otherwise I avoid conflict. It goes deeper than that but that is a big deal.
    At my place of work, a co worker and I were great friends. We just clicked. And then one day we both crossed that final line two married individuals should never cross. Over time, we grew closer. And realized his “crazy matches my crazy”. Our personalities just compliment each other…it’s honestly like he completes me. We seperated for some months so that he could “fix what he broke in his marriage”. Trying to do the right thing, I don’t blame him. I, too, did the same. But we have recently reconnected over email only. And the flames still burn so bright, we pine for each other’s company. I feel such sorrow being forced apart from him, he says the same. I had never felt that way about anyone…and I still don’t know what to do.

    1. Firstly, you are clearly not happy in your current marriage. So I would end that, regardless of wether you decide to be with this other man. My parents remained in a loveless marriage and grew more and more bitter as time went on. That isn’t a healthy way to live. There are billions of other people on the planet and chaining yourself to someone clearly unsuitable forever is just a waste of life.

  20. I’m struggling the exact same way, but in my adulthood I’ve come to the realization, that the presence of love does NOT equal compatibility.

    There was this one piece i read that spoke volumes to me by Beau Taplin.

    “One day, whether you are 14, 28 or 65,
    you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die.
    However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find––
    is they are not always with whom we spend our lives”

    It doesn’t have to be that way, true growth comes from the ability to have something good end to make way for something even more beautiful.

    I’m not by any means condoning or even trying to give the notion that divorce should always be everyone’s go to answer. Instead, those who married perhaps to hastily or in their youth or by young selfish needs, and have grown as adults estranged from the person they once were, that they can grow and morph at any point in life and should not conform to mediocrity or settling in lieu of what they now have a better grasp of to be extraordinary.

  21. I know this feeling all too well…have been going through it now for 7 years…it’s brutal. And yet, it’s glorious. I feel incredibly fortunate to love both my husband and a second man I consider to be my twin soul. I would never risk tearing apart or hurting my family over this situation, so I keep my feelings to myself, and believe that if I cannot be with this other man on a daily basis in this lifetime, then we’ll have to wait until the next. I don’t want to cause anyone any pain. I have a great marriage – why mess that up?

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  23. It’s awful. All you do is think about the person you want versus the person your married to. I wish I could turn off the feelings but that’s not possible.

  24. I have been married for 25 years. For the past 18 months I took a job that was 500 miles from my family. I traveled back and forth every other weekend. When I was there, I met a woman who we both connected and felt like we were meant for each other. I am 51 and she is 23. I didn’t get her interest in me. After 6 months, she said that she will convince me to marry her in 5 years. I didn’t know what to say but she meant it. Over the next 6 months, I was confused on this but we fell in love. I had to suddenly leave job since it ended and returned home. She has not communicated and feels I was taken away since she believes God takes away those not meant to be and puts people in front of us that are meant to be. I am totally lost. I love her. I have never felt that happy with her presence in my entire life.

  25. So, whoever reads this, and if experiencing this, please reply.

    If you have meet your soulmate, but you are married, and have chosen to remain in your marriage, how do you feel when you are with your husband/wife instead of your true soulmate? How do you feel about your spouse? Does it make you love your soulmate, more or less?

    1. Dear Broken heart,

      If you met your soulmate after being married and was attracted to new person, that might be indication that you were lacking something in marriage and that s what you found. When you decide to stay in married life inspite being your heart always beating for her, it really tough. You see your wife, u remember her, when your wife holds your hand or shares smile etc.. you always feel awkward . You start feeling that you are cheating your wife and then its your call.

    2. Broken Heart,

      I love my spouse – we have been together for 18 years, have a child, and a wonderful life together. We are creative partners. He’s a super sweet soul and loves me more than anything. Yet my relationship to him can often be draining. I feel needed in a way a child needs his mother, and I don’t want to be needed in that way by anyone but my child. There’s a strange imbalance that has been there from the start, and I’ve always known it, but I married him anyway because I truly loved him, and know he truly loves me. Up until that point in my life when we married, I never knew a love so strong. Until I met a certain someone…

      When I met #2, I felt immediately at ease in his presence, like I had just sat down next to an old friend. I had never had that feeling before with anyone in my 37 years on the planet. I went home that night and exclaimed to a friend “I love that guy!”. I didn’t mean romantically; I just instantly loved him, period.

      My love for #2 is different for sure – I feel safe, happy and peaceful with him. I feel protected and loved by him. I know it’s easier to feel these things with him because we don’t have a child together and don’t live together, so it’s easy to romanticize what could be… I don’t feel comfortable trading in the known for the unknown, and ruining my husband’s and child’s life simultaneously.

      Sometimes it’s painful to be with my husband when I all I can do is think of #2, so I practice staying present, and giving my husband my undivided attention. I meditate a lot. It makes it easier to love both men. My husband has no idea of any of this, and that’s the part I struggle with most. I want to tell him, but I know him too well — he’d flip out and literally get sick over it. So I keep my feelings to myself, and do my best to respect him and our marriage, and that means sometimes going months without talking to the other man.

      It’s incredibly difficult at times to live this way, so I work on being grateful to have the opportunity to love two men – each so different from the other (and I mean their personalities as well as the type of love I share with them). I feel fortunate to have so much love in my life. I know I’ll be with #2 at some point in the future — just not sure it’ll happen in this lifetime. I hope so, but not if it means hurting my spouse. I have to look at the situation with humor and try to stay graceful. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

      Good luck! Remember to count your blessings.

  26. Help…

    I will be happily married for 2 years this October but 5 months ago I truly feel I met my twin soul.. I was calling him my soul mate until I read this article. I thought I had met and married the love of my life but I am now going through constant second thoughts as to maybe if I just waited, I could be with the true right one. I would hate to break up my marriage but this has caused me to second guess my relationship and go through a lot of emotional ups and downs with myself looking for the right answer. I know this other person has a pretty serious relationship but feels the same way. He has not come out and said it but I just automatically felt it and the feelings have grown over the past 5 months. What do I do? Do I wait for him to be honest and say something and if he doesn’t just know that I met that person and in another life hopefully we can be together?

  27. CantCommitCantLetGo

    I was in a similar situation about 14 months ago. I had met my soulmate (online, playing a video game), and was already going through very hard times with my (now ex) spouse. (We had our child without planning to, only 4 months into the relationship I was pregnant. I still love him, but the entire time I was with him, I was depressed and struggling to decide if I could be with him or not), because even though I loved him – I hadn’t been single since the age of 14. I had been in 3 long term relationships before him, and between each man I never took the time to be single, to learn to love and be comfortable with myself. Each man was basically the first man I ‘rebounded’ with after each break up. Every rebound turned into the next relationship. And so it continues… Because now I basically can’t decide if I’m in the same situation with my C, or if I made a mistake and actually do need to go back my X, or if I just need to let the past go, and appreciate what I have now with my C, and stay with him for the rest of our lives.

    Now I’m with C, and I love him dearly, but I still love X too, and he’s the father of my daughter.

    I don’t know if I need to end it with C because I’ve been in relationship after relationship, with no time for myself ever, and especially needed time after X because of two factors that made it a major event in my life; a) he was the first man that I initiated the breakup with (1st one was a mutual split, 2nd and 3rd ones I was the one dumped), and b) he is the father of my child. I met C while still living with X and deciding to stay or go and fighting and screaming a lot of the time. Since being with C and through a lot of the feedback he’s given me regarding my behaviors and communication failures, I’ve seen so many of the ways I was wrong with X and I now realize that we could have and still could be very happy as a family together. And C keeps telling me how devastating that would be to him, because I am his entire life, and he can’t live without me.

    I don’t know if I’m staying with him out of guilt because of how much he feels he needs to be with me. With X, I felt the same confusion – unsure if I was staying with him out of guilt because of how devastated he would be if I left. And I ended up leaving him right after I met C. I don’t know if I’m staying with C because it seems cruel to end a good thing just because of the way my past has been. I feel that I did that with X. I don’t know if I want to go back and be with X, but I feel that I haven’t given myself the chance to fully grieve the relationship, so I haven’t been able to find the closure of being sure that I made the right decision.

    I am consumed by the fear of making the wrong decision. Because every day that I am with C, is one more day that I’m deciding to be with him, and deciding not to be with X. Is it the right choice?

    If it were the right choice, wouldn’t it just feel right?

    Why doesn’t it just feel right?

    Can you have two soul mates?

    I really just want to be alone so that I can be sure of myself, but I don’t know how to reject people.

    Plus I instantly get lonely if I do reject them, and suddenly I feel that I can’t live without them either.

    I was only strong enough to reject X once I met someone else to run to. C felt like my soul mate during the first 6 months, but this inner turmoil has made me feel a lot of negative emotions towards C, and has made me question if he really is my soul mate. Which doesn’t feel fair to him, compounding my guilt and confusion about wanting to leave.

    I feel so confused. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision. I wish there were some way someone could answer for me, but I know that only I am the one who can answer this life-altering decision.

    If C lived here, maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to decide? The distance definitely adds another element of pain and confusion. It makes it harder to know if I’ve made the right choice, because I don’t feel that our relationship has even been given a fair chance, and leaving it before giving it a real chance would be so unfair to C, since he so desperately believes that I’m supposed to be with him. Even thought it was unfair to X to leave him too. I feel like it’s even more unfair to X to force myself through this relationship, after deciding I wouldn’t force myself through that one. And all of this to anyone else looking in just seems like an easy decision: “Leave both the poor men and let them move on and live their lives, without your painful inability to commit without constantly looking over at the greener grass, or living in the past, wondering what-if, and just be by yourself” It seems like an obvious answer. But I just can’t bring myself to leave C in the dust just because I’ve never been “alone”.

    Do I really need to be alone?

    When I try to tell C, he is very upset and feels certain that I will end up with X. Maybe he is right, but why can’t I let that happen to C? Why can’t I bear the responsibility of making this decision now? Is it guilt, or is it my instinct saying that I should be with C, and I’m just having a really hard time getting over the guilt of my previous relationship? I don’t know what to do.

    I don’t think my post is very comforting to anyone going through this decision, except that I can offer one piece of advice – If you’re in this situation and can’t decide – I think it is best for everyone to take time for yourself with neither partner counting on you to be theirs.

    I guess I just needed to get this off of my chest.

    I’m sorry..

    1. i can answer u , u have to stay with ur X because u already made a whole life with him and u got a child too so yes it’s unfair to leave him just because u feel attracted to someone else personality we just need to stop altering husbands all the time like this whenever we feel so , u just need to adapt ur life and always tell ur self that no one is perfect and try to live with that !!

  28. I’m on a work experience programme and away from my family (wife and son) who are in another state. My wife and I get along okay, but we’re missing that connection. Sometimes she can be brutally honest and occasionally spiteful and bullying. After a decade of marriage, I think we both settled.

    So here I am like so many other people who feel they are missing out on their soulmate. I was always sceptical in regards to stuff like this. However, where I am now I’ve met someone with whom there is such a connection with that neither one of us can explain. It’s just a sense of comfort with her. We can tease each other constantly and understand that it’s just teasing. She has even told me that I am what she has wanted and waited for. I feel the same way about her. She and I can talk all day via texts and email and then do it all again at night. We had to have a hiatus of a couple of days to figure out if what is felt is real and if it’s the right thing to do. Understandably, it is very wrong from a moral and integrity point of view, but it just feels right with her. Everything does. We’ve never even talked anything more than general business of work and friendship.

    I know it is wrong because it lacks integrity and character, especially on my part, and I don’t want to destroy my family or hurt her. I don’t know what to do because I’ll have to go back to a life without her and possibly settling and living a lie.

    1. “and occasionally spiteful and bullying” – yeah, that is a huge, flashing neon sign! I’ve broken up with partners over far less. A good relationship should be your ‘safe space’ that you come home to after dealing with the stresses of the outside world. It sounds as though your wife has already emotionally moved on from you, which will make things easier.

  29. Dear Anne, thanks so much for this article. (even though its a couple years old since I came across it)

    I’m currently in such a conflict.
    At the age of 22, im 27 now, I had premarital sex with my boyfriend because we had been so in love and wanted to get married so bad, so we thought well since we’re going to get married, why not. and then he decided after months of us being promiscuous, to tell his mother (who is extremely religious) that we were having sex. she then gave the ultimatum to either get married or for me to move back to my homestate of MI, because she wouldn’t have her son living in such sin *insert eyeroll*

    I decided, because i didnt know where to go, and that i didnt want to leave my fiance, to get married. My wedding day was horrible, I was sick at the reception, and my now-husband was pissed off he couldn’t have sex with me because i was so sick. We eventually got over that hiccup, but constantly found ourselves at the crossroads of either this changes in our relationship, or I was out the door. I was never strong enough to stand up and say enough is enough because i’d cave. He’d constantly remind me i had no where to go and that i was his, like a piece of property to be owned..

    4 years it was like this.. and living fake lies that everything was ok. Then about 3mos ago, i met this man through theological debate and i was going to have his head because it got so heated… but he took the chance to talk things calmly with me.. and soon we became good friends, then best friends, our chemistry was so real it made the relationship i had with my husband for 7 years seem like a joke. We originally just wanted to be friends, and at the time he didnt know i was married. It was only when I started falling for him that I told him that I was married. I thought for sure he would just leave, but he didn’t. He stayed and has been helping me work through my toxic relationship with my husband and helping me find ways to escape. I actually spent a few days with him when he came out for a modeling gig I had going on and when I saw him and we embraced, i felt instantly safe, secure and loved so deeply. He loves me unconditionally, and I love him the same. There is nothing that compares to how I love him. He’s the best thing to ever happen to me, honestly.

    I used to care about the fallout if i wanted to pursue someone else, but with him i dont care. all i see is him, and all i want to do is be with him. I have never been so connected to someone, so enamored, so taken.. that I’d do ANYTHING to be with them.

    Its been extremely hard since my family is super christian. I love and respect them for giving me life, but I wish that they would understand that I have found something so rare, so precious, that I’d give anything to hold him in my arms. I’ve never loved so much, or been loved in a way only he does…

  30. I have recently come accross someone who I believe is my romantic soulmate. The reason I believe this is because when I first saw her and started paying attention to her I began to get a series of emotional breakdowns where I would breath heavy and even cry. I also suffered a series of severe insomnia attacks where I stayed awake fore an extra day with a lot of emotional pain. Now everytime I see her I automatically want to say without effort the same 3 sentences “I miss you. I love you. I’m sorry.” I decided to get consulting from some of my metaphysical friends and they had strong feelings that I’ve indeed found her. Unfortunately like the person in this article she has married someone else and has kids from him. Also, we are incompatible. She has a successful career and I am a failure in life. Now that I know who she is and how wonderful she is my fear is that we will not be together in this life. If I have to wait for the next life for us to reunite and with the whole karma deal that could take centuries. It took me 46 years to come accross her. Plus we will have different bodies and I like the way she currently looks. I love this woman! I’m feeling doomed right now. I don’t want to break up her marriage or ruin her life in any way. All I want is her to recognize me and remember me for who I truly am. Her romantic soulmate. And for to know that I’m around in this life. I would greatly appreciate any help or recommendation.

  31. Thank you for this insightful post. I have been in a relationship for 20 years, with a man I love deeply. But I feel he has never really allowed me to be myself, he can be very critical and I don’t think he has every truely “understood me”. This last year we have been having issues, I was 17 when we started dating and now I am 37, obviously I have changed a lot. I feel recently I have been on a voyage of discovery, which he has no interest in being a part of. 6 weeks ago I met a guy, and instantly I felt comfortable with him and a spiritual connection. I have never felt like that with any man I have met. I rarely feel attracted physically to anyone, and almost never on a spiritual level. He is thoughtful and philisophical and have a wonderful soul. He is single (god knows how) but I am in a relationship with 2 children. What is strange is I don’t feel a huge sexual desire to him, I just want to spend time with him, talk to him, help him. Does this mean he is my twin soul? Do you act on it, or should I keep my distance?

  32. I met my soulmate about 16 years ago (actually on 11/11/99). I had worked for an oil company and noticed a man in the elevator that I was drawn to like a magnet. Didn’t think too much of it until 4 months later when I saw him again on the elevator and our eyes met. After I got off the elevator I was like “Who is this guy?” Still, I didn’t try to find out who he was as I was married at the time. A few months later I had seen him in passing, a very quick glimpse. It was him again! Then 2 months later I walked passed my boss’ office and I heard this voice. Incredibly curious, I literally backed up and looked in my boss’ office and it was HIM AGAIN!… I watched after he left and went into my boss’ office to question who this guy was. I won’t give his name here but he was from Germany and he was moving back in one week. Out of pure desperation I looked his name up in the directory to find out where his office was. He happened to sit next to a college I knew but on a different floor than mine (This was a very large company). I walked up to his office and asked if he knew where a colleague of mine was that happened to sat in an office next to him. He told me he was on vacation (which I already knew but wanted this mysterous guy to know who I was) reason? Well I wanted to send him an email (mind you I am still married, but separated at this point). This is what I wrote…..

    Hi! This may sound stupid, but I have always been curious about you ever since I saw you on the elevator about 6 months ago. I just found out yesterday what your name was, but I was also told that you are returning to Germany in about a week. That was me that just walked in your office to ask you where David Chavez was. I hope this doesn’t offend you, but, are you already involved with someone? Please keep this confidential, I don’t want to get in trouble. I hope you understand. – Thanks

    He responded by phone and yes he was married with 2 children, but he asked me if I would like a coke and then brought it down to me at my cubicle. We talked awhile and then he asked me out for lunch. I was terrified as my husband also worked at the same company and we both new many people, but this guy was leaving in about 5 days back to Germany and we both were married so I didn’t see any harm to a friendly lunch. BAD MISTAKE….We had instantly fallen in love, I mean instantly ….. He surprised me with a kiss during that lunch. I didn’t even know this person. It was insane. We were immediately attracted to one another. The very next day we met up again and started communicating via email…. by the time he left we were both devastated. Unfortunately, we don’t pick and choose the person we fall in love with. I felt so guilty loving someone who was married as I was married/separated too. This guy was very educated, extremely smart and had a doctorate in Chemical Engineering. I have NEVER EVER met someone I was so connected too immediately. We continued our communication by thousands of emails and phone calls as we were thousands of miles apart. He had made up reasons to fly back to the States for work, but it was actually to visit me. He did this a few times during this year. It was extremely painful to say goodbye each time. We were never sexual, only kissing. After a year, I flew to Europe to meet him for 3 days. 3 of the best days of my life ever. After that he had decided to talked with his Mom and Dad as he was wanting to divorce his wife, but he could never come to terms of hurting or leaving his children. In the meantime I had filed for divorce and did finalize that. It just was not working out even before mystery guy. I am still friends with my ex-husband to this day, love him dearly, but our relationship had ran its course. Thankful, we never had children together. Anyway, a month later I had flown to Europe to be with this guy while he separated from his wife and children. We had stayed at his brother’s house for about a month, then he could no longer take the threats from his wife and in-laws (they were pretty bad to say the least). We ultimately decided to end our relationship and I returned to the States. He has said it is purely a biological decision in terms of his past. Although I completely understand and respect his ultimate decision, it was the most painful thing I have ever felt and am still enduring. This was 15 years ago, I still feel this love for him as if it were yesterday. It does not go away. We have sparsely stayed connected over the years (Wishing each other “Happy Birthdays and New Years etc, etc) but not a romantic connection. There is so much more to this story in terms of never-ending phone calls, letters, emails and poems, in which I have saved everything. My question is, WHY WHY WHY did I meet this person who said he will never ever love another woman like he loves me!!! If only he wasn’t in my boss’ office and one week had passed he would have been gone back to Germany. This Doctor Zhivago scenario has left me very tormented. His children are almost in college now, and I can’t help think that there could possibly be a second chance? But I don’t want to bother him. I also can not be in an honest relationship with anyone, it isn’t fair because my heart still belongs to him. ! Believe me I have tried, it’s a comparison game and no other person can compare to him, not even close. So I choose to be alone 🙁 My Mother said, it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all… I believe this, but it is so freaking painful still to this day.

  33. I completely understand this dilemma. I had been in a relationship for 6 years when I met my soul mate. I thought I was happy and settled, and although there were ‘niggles’ and upsets I was reasonably ok. I met my soul mate completely out of the blue. In fact I already knew him from years before but he was married then and I never gave it a thought. He had popped into my head over the years when certain things reminded me of him but I never dwelled on it. When I met him on this occasion, completely unexpectedly, I knew immediately and everything changed. I searched my heart for months over what to do about my relationship but my feelings for my soul mate were so strong that I knew what I had to do.

    Six months post separation from my previous partner I do not regret the decision I made at all. I am not in a relationship with my soul mate, however he is in my life and I am grateful for that. We have not spoken about love and feelings specifically. I do not know if we will ever be together romantically but I know I love him unconditionally and that is a lovely feeling. I also firmly believe by his actions that he loves me unconditionally too. We have a connection that I cannot even describe or explain. A relationship that my friends do not understand because it defies explanation.

    He has helped me see my previous relationship for what it was and that even if he is not my romantic partner ultimately, I have freed myself of a situation that was slowly stifling me and destroying my soul. I feel better and more alive now than I did in my relationship and if that is all my soul mate was sent to me for, that is enough for me.

  34. It appears I met my soul twin through a mutual friend, and we became best friends. Both of us were broken from relationships. I had just divorced and he still lives amidst his broken marriage. I’ve always walked that straight and narrow line even though we were becoming more and more attached over the past few years. It reached the point where we started mimicking one another’s physical symptoms (if ill). We had always been able to say the same thing at the same time or answer each others questions not even knowing one was coming. The friendship has been so powerful for both of us and so many good things have healed in both of us due to the simple unconditional acceptance we have had for one another. I was able to give him a lot of truths he needed to hear and he helped restore all the broken in me from my marriage. However, the bonds grew a lot deeper when we started praying for one another, or with one another for various traumas in each other’s life. Then we realized we were too connected to one another. He won’t leave his situation because it’s the right thing to do and stay even though there is nothing left. For him, it’s about image. He won’t even remain friends. He wants all or nothing and since his world won’t magically fix itself without him doing something, I have nothing, not even the best friend I’ve longed and waited for my entire life. I’d settle for even that much. So my problem is this. I still feel all the connection with him. I feel him when he walks towards me (emotionally) or when he pushes away. I feel his interactions with his wife. I don’t want to feel these things. Is there some way to make it stop? I’ve never, ever had any connection with anyone ever in my lifetime like this. I’ve tried to shut it down in any way I can, but the fact remains that sometimes my emotions are not my own. I feel like a puppet being tugged where I don’t want to go emotionally. I did research trying to figure out what sort of thing is happening to me that is so totally crazy sounding, yet so utterly real, and I found this page. So how do I disconnect? How do I also not feel that I’m “settling” (for another man) when I have this man to compare to? My marriage was horrific and now that I know this sort of connection is possible, I feel anything else will be settling. I am faith filled and I know we were led to one another’s lives. I have to accept his choices, but I’m also so devastated by his departure from my life. I’ve never felt any sort of separation so painful. After reading your definitions of the different types, we fall in the “peaceful” range when we are with one another. Life feels utterly good and we can sit and say nothing, even on the other end of a computer. It feels like home when we are around one another and we have never once touched physically. I’m careful about boundaries. I can’t seem to fix this utter void that has come over me. It feels like part of me is forever gone and I’m so numb. I live a busy life and it’s like I’m two people. I put on a fake face for everyone and hide all that has happened. I’ve been through a divorce and that emotional ending/trauma doesn’t even compare. I didn’t even realize connections like this really existed. Any advice you can give will be helpful.

  35. Dear Anne,
    That was the clearest most important piece of writing I have ever seen on this topic.
    Thank you for saying it all so simply. I believe that if it is meant to be, circumstances would clear the way for it to happen. It is a complex experience with no right or wrong answer. Only choices to consider.

  36. Anne, thankyou for this article. It was strangely reassuring to read your comments about the dilemma facing this chap. It is the same dilemma facing most of the people that have posted replies to your article. It’s safe to say that you do “just know” and I would echo the description you gave of “feeling like you’re home.” It strikes me that reading everyone’s replies, the dilemma isn’t caused by fear of taking (for want of a better expression) a ‘leap of faith’ by being with their soulmate but actually, due to a fear of hurting everyone around them – most notably the children as is the case in my situation too. It would seem that people who are sufficiently emotionally enlightened to experience these feelings are almost always pretty selfless people. I myself have a hard time accepting this as I confess I am romantically involved with my soulmate after months of telling myself that the physical line was the last line I absolutely could not cross. And yet, we did – stealing time just to be near each other and hold one another and just stare into each other’s eyes knowingly, as often as is possible without interfering in our ‘real lives.’ I have sacrificed my ethical integrity and accept that I will be judged poorly by people reading this post. And yet, strangely for someone who has prided himself on his faithfulness and morality in life, I don’t feel guilty nor do I ‘feel’ that it is wrong when quite clearly I know it is. It is a moot point but the betrayal of our spouses is much more of an emotional one than anything else. Nevertheless, we are at the stage where we are talking about a future together and consequently hurting a lot of people : ( and I wondered if you had experience of any other couples who had been brave/selfish (choose your adjective) enough to tread this path? And if so, how did they choose to go about it?
    Stay strong everyone x

    1. I just want to say that this has recently happened for me. I was married, with a kid, my wife and I were “content”, well mostly she was. I was on some sleepy level, unhappy. I accepted my fate, sort of thing. When I met my soul mate, I awoken, I was alive, I realized the depth of my unhappiness because I am able to measure it with how I felt when I was with my soulmate. Both of us felt this way and both of us were in marriages, with kids. We both decided that this was our last chance at being truly happy.

      I resonate with Matt’s post here at the top of this page:

      “It strikes me that reading everyone’s replies, the dilemma isn’t caused by fear of taking (for want of a better expression) a ‘leap of faith’ by being with their soulmate but actually, due to a fear of hurting everyone around them – most notably the children as is the case in my situation too.”

      This is really it. Both of us are caring people, we don’t want to hurt anyone, we feel bad, we feel guilt, we are not blind to the damage we will cause to be selfish here, coming from two selfless people. However, the drive for us was too strong – we are literally willing to do anything to be together.

      After months of meeting each other and working through our situations, the plan took fruition. We left our marriages, and now we are together. Instantly, a new life sprung from a slumber, for both of us. Now the future is bright, I am the happiest I have ever been, and life is exciting.

      The relationships we broke, we took care to keep the cordial, both ex-partners accepted the situation – almost as if they were unhappy as well or excited for a new start. Kids are being taken care of and won’t lose their mother or father in the breaking. It almost seems to be to good to be true, but that is a natural feeling now that I have found my soulmate. I suggest to anyone who finds a partner like this, and you feel it is something that needs to be a romantic relationship, think about yourself in this regard. You only have one waking life right now, who knows what your future holds, but if you found true happiness, take it. You’ll know it is true when you say to yourself and believe it, that no matter what situation you are in, how much money you have, where you sleep at night, as long as that person is with you – you will be the happiest you ever been.

  37. Dear Anne, thank you so much for this article! Reading it has helped me gain a whole new perspective. However I am still lost and maybe you can shed a little more light on it for me. I have been in a relationship for 6 years(no children) with a man who I’m pretty sure has no intention of ever marrying me (even though i have previously voiced that i would like to get married). Several months ago a co worker and I connected on a very deep amazing level. Unfortunately, he is 18 years my senior and married with two children. We have both expressed our feeling for one another but I have reservations about being the “other woman.” And neither one of us want to hurt the children or our significant others. I get to see him regularly but we have agonizingly avoided taking it to a romantic level. I know only time will tell but right now I am so torn over what to do. It hurts terribly to be away from him but I am fearful of the consequences of breaking up a marriage and of hurting my boyfriend. In my heart I believe we are soul mates and most likely twin flames, but how do i know for sure? I feel like i am living a lie by staying in my current relationship but don’t know how to move forward. I know this is all part of my spiritual growth and awakening but hopefully you can give me some insight on my situation! Thank you!

  38. Hello, I believe I am in a similar situation to a lot who have already posted.

    I have been in a relationship with my fiancee for 11 years now and have 2 young daughters, I find my fiancee hard work as she has some form of autism we think at least (she saw a specialist before we met but he never gave a clear answer), her communication is the worst part of this as well as she can get very loud which pierces me.

    I currently cannot work because of health issues and find myself looking after everyone, by doing all the cleaning, cooking, gardening, shopping if I wasnt doing it it basically wouldnt ever get done.

    We don’t do anything together anymore the last time was a long weekend holiday last August when my mum had the kids.

    I cannot really see me every being married to her, and I didn’t move in with her untill she got pregnant.

    I started 2015 very badly with alot of stress and had various symptoms and sensations that are associated with that, it was around this time I met a lady online actually on facebook of all places in a group I’m in and we became friends, what was strange is we instantly hit it off, and found we was talking to each other lots, just as friends in the beginning.

    This went on for a few weeks and we found we had lots in common, in fact as of now its freaky how much we have in common. We started to talk via text messages too just as friends still at that point.

    She had a date arranged with some guy, and I knew from talking to her that she had a few failed relationships and dates previously, this is when I started noticing I had feelings for her, part of me wanted this date to go well for her and the other part of me felt very jealous of the guy she was dating. The date went wrong and a few days after I was out running and got a text message saying she had been dumped and she was crying, blaming herself. My heart sunk, I had to stop running and sit and text her and talk to her, try and make her feel better.

    It was after this that she told me of her feelings for me, feelings she said she had prior to that date, and things have gone on from there, we flirt heavily with each other, we talk every single day about anything and everything.

    She has tried to end it with me a few times because of the not wanting to split up a family, but we simply can’t seem to live without each other, everytime I feel I’m loosing her I fall to complete pieces. We both believe we are soul mates, I think its twin souls if I’m honest and before this I didn’t even believe or know that they existed.

    I even know when she if feeling “off” and we often say the same things at the same time in messages and our list of things in common would stretch a few miles by now. I dream about her, I miss her when we have not talked and it might only be an hour or so since we had talked last. It feels like we have been doing this for years but its only been around 3 months, We have not even met in person yet but I/we already know its going to be the same in person.

    I feel awful because I know I’m going to end up hurting someone and myself.

    Should I/we be giving this time to see if we still feel like we do then meet?

  39. Hi.. I know my twin flame but not with him.. Because of him being married with kids. Its almost like I put a wall up, because I would never allow him to leave them for me.. And I know that he would never allow me to be the other woman. The times knowing him and in the same physical space, I have experienced things that I have not before in my whole entire life.. Things such as.. Releasing my own stream of light up to the ceiling when talking.. Feeling an actual pull like it was physical, but not.. A ‘magnetic pull’ towards him.. Talking from a place that I was not completely conscious of the words that I was saying but I knew the underlying message that I was communicating.. Like a different language almost!! Asking questions.. That he would yell his response from the other side of the room.. He would understand what I was subconsciously asking or saying.. Finding myself empathising to his words, and almost seeing my emotions released.. ‘Gobbled up / eaten’ by him.. A sense of oneness..with sensory awareness of the world around blanketed out.. A complete relaxed and euphoric feeling when I let go of anxieties, and trust being okay in his prescence.. A subconscious knowing of who his is (essence/soul level)..feeling of my third eye opening after talking with him.. Releasing laughter from down inside my chest (like throwing up)..speaking more confidently from just being me when he is around.. Looking at him closely at times and suddenly having a rush of questions about him in my head.. Crossing eye contact paths with him, and almost telepathically asking him a question (are you trying to get my attention?).. Its been unreal!!! However.. Due to circumstances.. It cannot go further, but these experiences have totally blown me away!!! How do I define strict lines of interaction.. When things like this keep happening.. I often feel self conscious about this around others..we are not going to go anywhere near an affair.. But due to a twin flame interaction (this is what I believe) I find myself feeling paranoid that we are stepping boundaries even just standing in the same room? We mirror each other so much, etc and with the above, that other people have started noticing our uncanny connection.. What am I to do!! Should I just run away altogether?? To even get into a conversation about it, without talking about day to day normal stuff that we have needed to interact with.. Would be stepping the line. Advice please

    1. It’s a common misconception to think that our Twin Flame is another person and the ultimate romance. In reality, finding your twin is waking up to the realization that you are your own twin. We’re fond of saying “We are all One” without pausing to think what that really means. Think about it. It means there really is only One and you are it. Everyone we encounter in life is just another aspect of ourselves appearing to reveal something else to us in our awakening process. The reunion we are all seeking is waking up to this understanding and to the reality that we ourselves are Love. That’s all we are. We come from Love and to Love we are returning because we are Love, and this life is all about finding our way home to Love by learning to act and think and feel in loving ways.

      No doubt this man is a powerful catalyst in your awakening. And it’s quite normal to confuse that with romance, though it may be something else entirely. Instead of running away, get a grip on your own feelings. If you must have day-to-day encounters (as in work-related), focus on the self-growth that will allow you to do that in a professional manner. If the two of you have not talked about this “attraction” before, you may be projecting your own feelings and his may be something else. Open yourself to the other possibilities. Soulmates come in every kind of relationship imaginable and not all of them are romantic. We can share that perfectly in-sync feeling with family, friends, colleagues, even pets and enemies. Every single thing we encounter in life is a soulmate of some kind because the true purpose of soulmates is to assist us in our awakening.

      Step back and ask yourself some bigger picture questions. Then allow this connection to be whatever it really is and not what you dream it to be. In that way, you will honor the relationship and both of you will benefit. XO

      1. This hasn’t been about romance.. But about what I strongly believe from reading as much as I can on – twin flames.. I cannot unite with my twin flame due to reasons above stated, however by just being around him I have experienced (above experiences of how I qualify him to be my twin flame) in a setting (people, circumstance) that I am not comfortable with to have my awakening experiences in / from. I feel torn between the benefit of feeling what could be more my true self / awakening.. And the circumstances going against to allow this process to continue. Hence why I want to run… !! Awakening doesnt heed under my conscious control..which freaks me out. Yes there is self love.. But its not about that sorry.. I am discovering more of myself that I never had in all my previous years to date.. through being mirrored off him.. Anyways, thanks for the advice!! I think I will come to a decision soon!! 🙂

        1. All the pieces you are seeking are present in your comments! Like jigsaw puzzle pieces dumped out on the table awaiting assembly into a beautiful picture. Enjoy the process!

          How wonderful to be experiencing more of your true self and your own awakening which is ultimately the ultimate Self Love. Yes, that can be unsettling because awakening always takes us outside our comfort zone. As you continue to awaken and discover that YOU are your own twin, you will realize there was never any reason to fret over whether or not you could be with this person or that. Your twin is and always was within your own heart. At least, that is where I am in my own delicious awakening process! XO

        2. Mary, I hope you don’t mind me asking, what is your situation? Are you in a relationship also?
          If you are not, I think you should open up to this man about everything you’re feeling. Although it would be wrong to interfere with his marriage, you have to let him know, and if he feels the same way, he can make an informed choice, but then leave it at that. Hope it works out 😉

  40. So glad I came across this article! I believe I have met my twin soul. We met 15 years ago. I was not married but in a relationship. He was engaged with a baby on the way. I knew I wanted to know him more from the day I saw him. He told me it was love at first sight for him recently June 2014. We stayed in contact on and off by phone. I end up marrying my long term relationship partner. After I got pregnant with my second child, we didn’t stay in contact any more. I still would think of him from time to time and wondered if he thought of me. I was sure he didn’t think about me anymore. My feelings and thoughts about him became so strong and often around October 2013. I had never really told him my true feelings and I felt the need to do so. I tried to contact him but was unsuccessful. Then in June of 2014 he called me. He told me exactly how he has always felt about me. It was so overwhelming for me. I told him I tried to contact him to let him know my feelings. We been talking often for several months now. It’s like we never had any time/distance between us. I have never been so connected and felt love on this level in my entire life! He feels the same. We can’t explain it. We are both still married with kids. So we can not be together. It is very hard when I know my mind/heart/soul is connected with someone else on a level I haven’t experienced before. The feeling o get in my center chest area is indescribable. We are like best friends who love each other unconditionally. He is like the male version of me in so many ways. I thought I was going crazy with these feelings. I sometimes feel like I am! He recently said are you my soulmate? my thoughts of him stay with me threw the day. I am very grounded and an educated person. This has really taken me to another level. Sometimes I am very emotional and have a hard time because we can not be together. Unfortunately his wife found out he has been communicating with another woman(me/she doesn’t know who I am) and I feel very guilty because she found out. I love him and I do not want to cause any unhappiness for him or his family or mine. I hope that someday in the future we will have an opportunity to be together. I have never been truly in love. Yes I love my husband, but this is a completely different feeling.

    1. I really hope you can help me make sense of this. I met my best friend/soulmate twenty years ago when he was married and I was newly broken up with a one year old child. He was like a brother to me and was always there to catch me when I fell. I could always count on him as my protector. I was always attracted to him but the fact he was married made me put any notions of this attraction to the back of my mind. I felt such a deep connection with him that I couldn’t deny. I never brought up how I felt to him. Until the day he told me how he felt about me. He was about to be divorced but I was in a new “relationship” and had just found I was pregnant. This has been the theme in our relationship, a series of events that have kept us from being with one another. In truth, I know that I wasn’t ready to be an equal partner. I have been in a couple of disastrous relationships and made some questionable decisions and through it all my soulmate has been there for me without judgement. I don’t regret the numerous mistakes I have made because they have made me who I am today and he has loved me unconditionally through all of this. In my eyes, he is perfect because I love all of his imperfections just as much as his perfections. I can be my whole self with him and he tells me that he feels I am the only person he can be completely himself with. But he is happily remarried with a child. He doesn’t want to jeopardize his marriage. I don’t want to lose him. I feel like he is my air and I just can’t breathe without him in my life. Should we just try to remain “friends”. I just don’t know how to reconcile the feelings I have for him while at the same time not wanting him to leave his marriage and family because i don’t want him to hurt.

      1. It’s a tough situation and my heart goes out to you.

        Unfortunately, you cannot have both this man and the father of your child. This man cannot have both you and his wife. And any “friendship” with this lurking in the background will only hurt everyone you care about.

        Even though you were in new relationship and pregnant, I’m curious why you didn’t break things off with the father of your child to explore this possibility. You say you weren’t ready to be an equal partner, but why was that OK to impose on one man, but not the other? And if this man is happily remarried, why is he still talking with you?

        Sounds like you both need to take a step back, make some good decisions, and then live by those decisions. In a response to another commenter on this post, I outlined some steps that might also be helpful to you and your situation.

        Act with kindness, compassion, integrity, and love. You can never go wrong. XO

    2. It’s a painful situation and my heart goes out to you. That said, I’m curious why you two continued with the relationships you were in if you already felt this way about each other. Regardless of the “why,” that’s the situation you are in today, and the truth is that you will tear yourself apart and ultimately hurt everyone you love unless you can sort this out. So here are a few things to consider:

      First, take this man out of the equation and consider your marriage. If this man were not occupying your thoughts, would you be content with your husband and family? Be completely honest. When someone “more attractive” comes along, it can be telling you one of two things. It might be saying that you have been neglecting your marriage, siphoning off thoughts and feelings, and are are experiencing the results of your own lack of focus. That means it’s time to pour energy, love, and focus back into your marriage. We receive love (and that loving feeling) by giving love. On the other hand, it might be signaling that your marriage is over and you are just not yet aware. It is always telling you something about you. It is never telling you to leave one relationship for another.

      Ask yourself this – If this man were not in the picture, would I be questioning my marriage? Would I be willing to leave my husband if I didn’t think I might have a future with this man?

      If you aren’t willing to leave your marriage unless it means going to this other man, then you need to ask whether you are staying for love or security. And then you need to ask what’s in it for your husband. Are you treating him the way he deserves to be treated? It’s easy and way too common to mistake excitement and chemistry for deep love, when in reality they can be shallower and more vulnerable. If you decide to stay in your marriage, focus on giving love to your husband in ways that are meaningful to him and watch your own feelings of being loved magnify.

      Simply put – If you know in your heart that you cannot end your marriage, then you must stop talking with this man and throw that attention, energy, and action into your marriage. You say you love your husband. Well, this is the time to live that love.

      So here are five steps to help guide you:

      1. Stop talking with the other man. Right now. You need time to yourself to figure out what’s best for you and you cannot do that with him as a distraction.
      2. Dig deep into how you really feel. About yourself. About your life, About each of these men. Ask yourself if you are romanticizing how things could be different. Acknowledge the wisdom of the old saying,”The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s greener where we water it.” Choose one and shower it with all the love water you have. Don’t try to sprinkle a little here and a little there.
      3. Accept that someone is going to get hurt. Your husband, the other man. Someone will be disappointed. You can’t please everyone. In fact, it you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one and losing everyone.
      4. Give the courtesy of immediate truth, a clear answer. That does not mean you confess to your husband. It means you choose one side or the other. If that side is your husband and marriage, you tell the other man swiftly, kindly, and truthfully. Do not leave the door cracked. Do not leave him with false hope.
      5. No regrets. Make your choice and fully embrace it. No waffling!

      One thing is certain – If you keep on trying to balance both, you will end up toppling everything and everyone. You are the one wise enough to ask the tough question and that makes you responsible for seeking a wise, kind, and compassionate answer. I wish you all the best XO

    3. Hi Te,

      Thankyou for posting your story. It is inspiring for me to know there are other people experiencing a similar thing to what I am at the moment. I have been happily married for 14 years with no feelings towards other men at all, until I met someone only a few months ago, whom I had an instant type of attraction to like a soul mate connection, in this time we have been together, we both find it hard to be apart and tend to spend time together. I have not really advised him of my feelings, but I know he has them for me and he would probably notice my feelings. Just a question about how you handle the feelings and not being able to be with that person as you would like to be?

      Thanks and all the best,


  41. I am a man who is married for 8 years with a 3 year old kid. The reason for our dating and eventually marriage was we never had a problem with each other and we respected each others life and interest. There was no intrusion or compulsion in each others life. But in the last 3 years or so there has been a huge shift in my life in terms of spirituality. During this period is when we got a kid. And my wife seemed very disconnected with me. There was no connection between us. despite me asking several times and offering every kind of option she was never in a position to explain why she felt so disconnected. I was ok with this initially and thought it is just a passing phase. My spiral journey had begun and i was very contended within myself. During this period I started interacting with this girl whom i knew for the past 10 years. we had common interests and out of nowhere i expressed that i have a liking for her. And she said she always liked me and always thought of spending her life with me. And she had just got engaged. From there this just took off. We realized we were in the same spiritual path. The relationship became really intense and we got a feeling that it was a case of a twin flame relationship. Love making sessions seemed meditative. Now I am disconnected with my wife at the soul level. My wife got to know about this and now she claims that she is back from the disconnected stage and she loves me. And my relationship with the other girl is becoming stronger and we experience various miracles, synchroncities etc. Whats the way out? I feel my wife deserves some one better to be loved coz i have realized how beautiful life is when you are really in love. I am at this cross road not knowing where to go!

    1. Whew! Sounds as if you have several things going on at once! Let’s look at them one at a time, starting with your wife’s “disconnection” after the birth of your daughter. Please listen carefully – This is normal and natural and absolutely essential after the birth of a child! Her body and soul have just been through a traumatic experience, a major shift resulting in a new little life dependent upon her. A wise and kind husband would be looking for every opportunity to show love and support to his wife at this time, which brings husband and wife closer than ever before and creates a family with this new little person they have together brought into the world. Remember, it is through the GIVING of love that we RECEIVE love. Instead of supporting your wife through this new phase in your marriage and nurturing this new little life the two of you have created together, you are complaining that she has disconnected and taken up with another woman. Please rethink your actions and feelings. Bring them into better alignment with the situation you have helped create.

      Regardless of the “reason” you dated and married, the reality is that you chose your wife. And in doing so, you made commitments to love, honor, and cherish. It sounds as if you haven’t made much effort to live those commitments and are now complaining about the results of your own lack of loving action. Love is a verb and it begins with you. The best way to receive the love we want is to learn how to give love in ways that are meaningful to the recipient. Learning this and learning to live this are the greatest lessons life has to offer.

      We are all on a spiritual path. It is an inescapable part of being human. The question is how will we shape that path? Will we shape it with compassion and love or with selfishness? Giving love is not situational. It is not that you “can” give love to this new woman and “can’t” give it to your wife. There are different kinds of love, and there is always an appropriate kind regardless of the situation. Whether you stay with your wife or pursue a relationship with this other woman, learning to give love, instead of sitting back to take love, is the greatest gift you can give all of you. I wish you all the best.

  42. I am married with 2 kids. My marriage is good but not great. My wife and I have never had a whole lot in common. In fact we have barely had much of a conversation unless we sit down in a restaurant to eat together. She is a good woman, and a good mother but has some issues (don’t we all). To be honest I fell in love with her originally because she loved me back. So much so that she basically stalked me for a while. For a very long time I had self esteem problems and could fall for anyone that showed me attention. She’s beautiful, intelligent, and very kind hearted. We just don’t have much in common. About a year ago I met a woman that still to this day scares me how much we have in common. Typically I’m extremely nervous when I meet and talk to women but not with her. It was comfortable from the start and the conversation flows. I’ve never had such a connection with a woman in my entire life. She lives 1500 miles away and yet we talk every day. I can’t stop thinking about her. When I leave town for work, I don’t usually think of my wife much. Never have. I’ve always had an out of sight out of mind issue with any woman I dated before but not with this woman. I think about her constantly.

    She’s divorced and madly in love with me. Says she never felt about anyone the way she feels for me. I feel that our relationship could be amazing, but have always feared the unknown. I don’t want to hurt my wife (she doesn’t know about the other woman and would freak out if she did, she’s not very understanding of things people go through in life which is why I have not been able to be completely honest with her for a very long time). I also love and adore my children and often weep when I think about not having them full time anymore (they are very young, 3 and 1). I feel completely lost. I have this notion that to leave my marriage is the worst thing someone can do and I’d be hated for it by most everyone. I’ve been struggling with this for 8 months now. I’m in counseling as well as couples counseling and still don’t know what to do. I feel like this is destroying me. I want to be with the other woman so bad but don’t know how to do it without causing major damage.

    1. It’s a tough situation and my heart goes out to you. You are to be commended for approaching things with compassion and thoughtfulness. Please let your integrity comfort you, even if just a little bit.

      My greatest concern comes from two statements: About your wife – “I fell in love with her originally because she loved me back.” and About this new woman – “She’s divorced and madly in love with me.” My fear is that you are experiencing a different version of the same issue and until you dig deep enough within yourself to find the source of that issue, you will simply carry it forward with you into any new relationship.

      Wouldn’t it be a more loving choice for you, your wife, your children, and this new woman if you were to first figure out what’s going on with YOU? To paraphrase Jon Kabat-Zinn, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Since you take your issues with you into any relationship, changing relationships never solves the root problem. You clearly care about all these people and don’t want to harm any of them. The key to that lies with you.

      Maybe you could take a break from communicating with this new woman. Give yourself the gift of time to really figure things out for yourself. Who are you? What baggage are you carrying that has caused self-esteem issues and led you to love woman who love you madly enough to pursue you? Until you clear that up, you will always be at risk for anyone new who comes long offering you more love, new love, which is kind of like crack for your self-esteem.

      Love is a verb. Actively show love to your wife in ways that are meaningful to her and you will learn a lot. Get a copy of The Five love Languages, book or audio book, and read/listen carefully. Implementing the teachings will help you know for certain whether or not your marriage can blossom into what you really want.

      Here’s the most important thing – YOU are worthy of love. YOU are a caring human being, compassionate for those entrusted to your care. YOU are worthy of love and can create it for yourself.

      I wish you all the love you so richly deserve. XO

      1. I have read the 5 love languages and have been in counseling for about 8-9 months. I also slowed communication with my friend I met and after 9 months she doesn’t think she can wait any longer. I actually tried to divorce my wife twice but couldn’t go through with it. I’m so fearful of losing my twin soul. I’m at near depression right now. Things are much worse now than they were when I originally post here…

        1. You are taking wise steps even though they are painful. It sounds as if you may have some more personal growth to prepare yourself. It sounds as if your fear of losing this woman you believe is your twin is based on fear of losing the feeling of being loved. The key to what you really want is learning to love yourself and then you will truly have something to give. But here’s a little secret few share – Sometimes, the best way to learn to love ourselves to to actively love another and learn to see ourselves anew in the reflection in their eyes. It is in the Giving of Love that we Receive Love and Become Love. As you give love to another, you see in their eyes and their responses who you really are and the impact you really have. And in that cycle of Giving and Receiving, you gain a new perspective.

          Continue reading enlightening books and working with your counselor. Actively practice the teachings of The Five Love Languages with your wife and also learn to love yourself in the process. Be open to love in whatever form it comes and from whatever source. The more you clear your own internal path, the more you open yourself to love, the more love will come to you. Then you will become less hung up on the source and more focused on the giving and receiving. XO

  43. Pingback: I Think She’s My Soul Twin, but We’re Both Married | Soulmate Dance

  44. wow, this post really helped me, i am constantly on the run with my confusing feelings which make me so afraid and feeling trapped half the time, and the other half when i am present and calm, i am head over heals in love with my current partner. i am currently with my twin soul, we have an amazing connection. the feelings i have with him, is trust, love, peace, serenity, and homecoming. i have felt so one with him in the past and we are so interconnected and understanding of one another, and we are constantly giving to each other and caring to each others feelings. i can say we have so many many amazing experiances together, so many deep romantic moments of complete and loving understanding like we are one human being. it is amazing. he is such an amazing person in general, he is a light in my life. he helped me overcome so many spiritual things i was going through and i can say i love myself more because i am with him. he sat with me for 1 year and helped me through all my fears and all my pain. the only problem i have with him is that i never felt any chemistry when i met him, which scared me so much and keep thinking until now that maybe he isn’t the one. i mean, he gives me so much but i wish to feel my heart fluttering and feeling fuzzy about him, at times i feel a love for him that goes beyond that, when i open my heart and i give all that i have got to him, i can look at his face and be so overwhelmed by what an angel i see before me and how i feel so protected and safe with this man, well unfortunatly a half a year back we met up with his family and bam i had this crazy awakening feeling about his relitive, it was like i cared about this guy for no reason and i wanted the best of him and i wanted to show the best i had of me and i could feel his energy from the next room… i dont know, since than i have been so confused in my relationship, constantly wanting to run, wanting to know what it all means, yearning to feel this feeling with my twin soul, i feel so trapped at times like i dont want to feel this feeling about somebody else but at the same time i am so confused and lost. i have never come out about this to anyone though i have told my twin sou, well not all the information but he is so understanding and he told me its alright, feeling is not something we can control and if we feel something for somebody its ok, i dont want to leave my relationship, i have everything i need here, but i hate feeling so confused and lost and not knowing what to do, i want to feel this feeling with my current lover and i need help from an outsider to help me sort out my feelings, please help me…

    1. There’s so much confusion about Twin Souls and this wonderful quote from Monica Drake in her book Clown Girl is a good place to start in clearing things up. “The Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.” Pop culture has brainwashed us into thinking that love feels all fluttery all the time. Not true. Dangerously not true. The new feelings you are experiencing for this new man are a wake-up call of some kind, but please take some time to think about the possibilities. Maybe it’s taking you through the giddiness to teach you how to appreciate what you’ve got. Maybe it’s a “road map” for how to infuse more excitement into your current relationship, especially since you esteem it so highly. It sounds as if you and your current partner are able to talk very openly. What a blessing! And it sounds as if you have already introduced the subject of these new feelings. If you haven’t already done so, invite your darling to help you create more pizzazz for both of you. Approach it from the old “What’s in it for him” perspective (just make sure it really is about how he will benefit and not a threat as to what will happen if he doesn’t comply). Read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman for some excellent ideas on what you can do for your mate in order to receive love from him in ways that are meaningful to you. And check out the article elsewhere on this blog titled “Soulmates and Soul Twins – What’s the Difference?

      You didn’t say this new man is aware of your feelings, but it doesn’t sounds as if he is. You’ll want to consider that he does not reciprocate and that this awakening you are feeling is strictly for you and perhaps your current beloved. Actually, it’s always just for you though it affects everyone around you.

      Wake up calls by definition make us uncomfortable where we are. Sometimes it means it’s time to grow where we are including the person we are with. Others, it means time to move on. Instead of focusing on the discomfort, ask what it is trying to reveal to you about yourself.

      This article has generated so many comments and private messages that we are going to devote the Soulmate Segment on this week’s MOD Love radio show to addressing it. It airs Thursday evening, February 12,2015, at 8:00 PM ET. You can find the details at http://www.MODLoveRadio.com The transcript of my comments will appear on this blog after the show Thursday evening. The audio replay of the show will be posted to the Soulmate Dance Facebook page Friday morning and will also be available in the MOD Love archives.

      All the best

  45. Help! LOL!

    Twin lives down the street! Married with 3 kids very unhappy marriage.

    I also have 3 kids, happily married until the twin came and we had an affair, then separated from contact 2 years ago.

    Well, the twin is back in contact. I already knew it was the twin but it’s been confirmed by 4 different sources! Better safe then sorry! LOL!

    She’s on the brink of divorce but could be a while.

    My wife is still hanging in there and knows she is the twin down the street!

    Now what?!

    I have spoken to the twin 3 times in the past week by phone. Wife knows.

    Can’t leave yet, can’t stop the twin communication.

    It’s wrong I know but what else am I to do?

    Love my wife and kids, love my twin.

    She’s my twin!

    I know where this is headed and it’s kind of sad but here comes the Twin again!


    1. When we experience massive chemistry with someone, it’s natural to assume he or she is the one, your twin. That’s rarely the case. According to the Buddhists (as paraphrased from Monica Drake), if your knees go weak and your heart pounds and you feel highly excited, that person’s not the one. They are more likely to be a karmic mate or ego mate, both of which are important for our awakening, but not our twin. When you do meet a the one, you will experience a profound peace and calm. It will feel like a homecoming and the defining emotion will be a deep contentment.

      I hope you will decide to proceed mindfully and lovingly, with compassion for all involved. If you are curious about the many types of soulmates we encounter, you can check out https://annewade.com/relationships/the-many-types-of-soulmates/

      I wish you all the best.

  46. I never thought this could happen to me. I’m emotionally strong woman. Life taught me to be this way. When I was young I had problems with pregnancy and in the failed attempts to have a baby I had to go through funeral of my own children- twice!!! This terrible experience made me strong; I did not feel sorry about people crying over “spilled milk”.
    I also never really gave a thought about sole mates. When I heard about people having beyond earthly feelings, many times I thought they need to see a shrink.
    I have been married for 30 years. Ups and downs as in any normal marriage. Lately the only thing I notice is how little common hobbies we have. I always knew they were different but with everyday life, work and raising a child never noticed it as much as now. I know part of it is because our child moved on and we have more time but not spending it with each other.
    He bought a motorcycle and can’t stop talking about it. I want to travel the world. I want to go to India, Thailand and many other countries that he would never go to. We agreed that he will go on his bike with his friends and I will travel to wherever my heart’s desire.
    Can I live like that till the end? I thought I could.
    Until my birthday just few days ago…..School friend from back home send me a package. She said it’s coming with a colleague and gave me his phone number. He arrived on my birthday.
    I called and we agree I will come to the hotel to pick it up. When I drove to the hotel I called again and told him I was in front of the lobby. He said there are 4 entrances to the hotel and he is waiting near the elevator.
    I walked in and then it happened. Not knowing the lay out I turned right and then felt this weird feeling from left. I turned around and out of many people in the lobby I started walking towards him. It was like huge magnet was pulling me. We recognize each other almost as though we’ve known each other. I thought my heart will jump out of my chest. I stood there in front of him for a minute thanking him for bringing the package and I felt so complete.
    I went home and started looking for any info on him. Did not found much, don’t know if he is married or have kids, just found few pictures. I have been spending hours looking at them.
    This time I had package for my girlfriend and she told me to give it to him as he was coming back (he is an airline pilot). 6 days after the first meeting I was in the lobby bar waiting for him.
    When he checked in I called and said where I was, he said he will be down shortly.
    I went back to reading my book and had no interest of checking every person who entered the bar. And then about 10 minutes later I again felt the strong power, lift my head up and there he was.
    He sat down for a minute but I knew he was tired (he just flew for 8 hours) so again I thank him for taking the package and he left. I cried all the way home. I feel half empty.
    He is here for two days only and going back today. I want to go to the airport and tell him how I feel. I won’t do it because until this happened if the tables were turned and someone would approach me with the same I definitely would send him to nearest shrink.
    It’s not infatuation or sexual attraction. I can’t sleep or eat. I’m at work and crying while I write this letter. Thanks God for my own office.
    I know I’ll never see him again and that hurts like hell. I’m quick decision maker and had many friends calling me for advice and then then saying it was the best decision. And here I’m, I don’t know what to do. Please help.

    1. It’s a tough situation and few of us ever expect it to happen. Clearly, you are at some sort of crossroads and life is signaling that you have choices. Of course, we always have choices every moment of every day, but some look and feel “bigger” than others.

      You and your husband have reached what’s often a major transition for many couples – empty nest. As you have discovered, without child-rearing as a joint primary focus, each of you has naturally turned to personal interests that have long been simmering on the back burner. And like many couples, you are a wee bit shocked to learn those interests aren’t the same and may even be at odds with each other. For some couples, that new variety adds a note of spice and gives new juice to the relationship. For others, it is the first step in drifting apart. To some extent, that is dependent upon how you approach this opportunity for growth, individually and as a couple.

      One of my favorite stories is about an elderly couple who had enjoyed a very long and happy marriage. From the beginning, they decided to focus collectively on what they shared and be very supportive of their personal preferences differences), including one that has torn many couples apart. You see, he was an atheist and she was devoutly religious. Instead of trying to convert each other, they focused on a shared interest – walking. He always walked her to church, then walked on down the street to enjoy his morning paper and a cup of coffee. He returned at the end of the service and they walked home together, enjoying the neighborhood and each other. That nurturing focus on what they enjoyed sharing created an atmosphere where their differences were both part of their happy routine and kept them fresh as individuals.

      This man you’ve met has clearly awakened something in you. What that is remains to be seen, and for the most part, you get to choose. Is it time to reignite your marriage? You can do that all on your own simply by injecting new Love Language principles – giving love in a way that is meaningful to your husband and enjoying the results. The Giver becomes the Receiver. Or is it time to leave your marriage? Has it run its natural course and now it’s time to move on? If so, do it lovingly and compassionately, respectful of what the two of you have shared over the years. Keep in mind that leaving your husband does not in any way way guarantee you’ll end up with this new man. The encounter with him may be purely a catalyst and he may be simply symbolic.

      Right now, the intense pain you are feeling is telling you it’s time for some changes. Start with you – who you have become and what you really want. Note that does not mean you specifically want this new man; it just means you are ready for some changes. For example, you want to travel and it sounds as if your husband is supportive. There are wonderful travel opportunities for you to enjoy on your own. There are agencies that specialize in trips for women, in learning trips (Roads Scholars, for example), in spirituality and personal growth cruises, and much more. You could start by taking a group trip without your husband and just see what unfolds. You could discover that going off like that makes you want to come home afterwards. You could just as easily discover that it makes you want to move on personally. Give yourself the gifts of time and new experiences to figure it out. And decide right now to enjoy this time of transition, the new adventures and new possibilities it brings your way. That way, no matter where you end up and with whom (including alone) you will be savoring your life. And that’s what we all really want.

      All the best XO

  47. I’m so glad I read your article. I am the same situation. Unhappily married, but I met a man who is also married. I felt an instant connection. He did too. We have a lot in common. I feel like he is my twin flame. I know when something is wrong with him. If he is hurting or when he is I’ll. He is stationed outside the country. I dream very vivid dreams of him. To the point that it seems like I am standing right in front of him. I can see him in his office, I see him in the car. I see him at home with his family.Are all these products of my overactive imagination? Please help me.

    1. Being in an unhappy marriage is always challenging and can mess with our ability to think clearly. Nevertheless, it’s crucial that you figure out WHY you are unhappy before jumping into another relationship, especially if the other person is also married. To paraphrase Jon Kabat-Zinn, “Wherever you go, there you are.” That means unless you get to the bottom of your unhappiness, you’ll be bringing it into your new relationship. Not exactly a great relationship-starting present, is it? That also means you can’t blame your current husband or your marriage for your unhappiness. You need to find its root cause within yourself.

      In this article and the comments that follow, there are lots of good soul-searching questions that can help guide you through understanding what is really going on – both in your current marriage and in your perceived need for something or someone new. As you work your way thoughtfully and feelingly through them, keep an open mind. You may realize it is time to kindly and gently end your marriage. You may also find that your current marriage just needs a new shot of energy, some new juice to make it delicious again.

      That feeling of being so connected with someone that it is almost telepathic is a powerful draw. It may be romantic, or may be a different kind of wake-up call altogether. Maybe you need some personal growth or stimulus. Maybe your marriage needs a boost. Maybe it is time to move on. Only you can answer this.

      I hope you will give yourself (and your husband and this new man) the gift of thoughtfully considering the options. No one but you can decide what is right for you. Do your utmost to take a big step back to get a bigger picture. Regardless of what you decide, remember that you must be prepared to accept the responsibility for whatever happens next because of YOUR choices. Whether you decide to stay or go, things will be different from this point forward.

      All the best…

  48. I have met my soul mate, I have memories of him from the past, I have never felt a connection like this to ANYONE else, it is literally mentally and physically agonizing to be away from him.. I feel like a part of me is missing, I’d drop everything just to be with him if the opportunity presented itself and I feel horrible. I’m in a happy relationship of almost 4 years and we have two children together.. I would of course still stay in contact with them and still take care of my family, but.. I just don’t know what to do. He told me to tell him when I am single and I truly believe he has similar feelings but he doesn’t want to interfere with my life.. I just don’t know what to do, I have no one to talk to about this and it’s literally draining all of my energy and happiness.

    1. Perhaps, feeling as torn as you currently do, the best choice is to take no action….at least for now. Give yourself two gifts instead. The first is the gift of time. There is no need for haste and you are wise to thoughtfully consider all aspects of whatever choice you make. You clearly love your current family and would prefer not to hurt them even though you are feeling this powerful draw. The second is the gift of feeling – feel your emotions, your spirit, your head and heart. It is easy to be all emotional or all rational about this situation, yet neither by itself will serve any of you.

      You say you have memories of this man from the past and I am guessing you mean from past lives. That alone doesn’t mean he is The One. We often share past lives with the same tribe of souls. In one, they may be a parent. In another, they may be a lover or a boss or even an enemy. Each time we meet, we feel a powerful sense of recognition and connection. They always appear to trigger our awakening to some key aspect of ourselves which means they typically appear in emotionally fraught circumstances.

      You have lots to consider. He says to let him know WHEN you are single, and he is to be commended for not moving in on you while you are still married. But first, you have to decide IF you want to be single. As mentioned in the article, even if you leave your current marriage for this man, things may or may not work out between you. Are you willing to take that risk? You say you will stay in touch with your family. Does that mean you will leave your children with their father? That is a good choice for some families, but please make sure it is a choice you can live with long-term regardless of how things turn out. You cannot dictate how your children or their father will respond. Can you handle it if they reject you? You say your current relationship is a happy one, yet there is a breach happening. Where was the weak spot and how can you address it to strengthen this marriage or any future marriage?

      More than anything, allow yourself to move slowly. Refrain from hasty decisions. If this new man has stepped out of your life for now, consider focusing on nurturing your current marriage and see what happens. Clearly, you needed this nudge, but whether it is towards re-vitalizing your current marriage or starting a new relationship isn’t yet clear. Start with spiffing up the marriage you have. It may re-ignite or it may fizzle. And that will help you see your way.

      Either way, this isn’t an easy situation with easy answers. I wish you all the best. XO

  49. Contented Reader

    Great stuff! I recently met someone who challenges me & we had a lot of chemistry but I have no desire for an affair. My husband is my twin soul & I just love him so much. But I haven’t been using my talents or intelligence & I think this man was sent into my life to get me back on the path to enlightenment. Now I just have to figure out what steps I need to take to feed my mind & creativity!

    1. How exciting! And kudos to you for knowing your mind and heart so clearly. Sounds like this man came to shake you out of your doldrums and get you moving again. What a splendid gift!

      One fairly quick and easy way to start you on your way to finding your next direction is this little exercise:

      1. Make three lists:
      a. All the things you love to do. Include both business and pleasure activities.
      b. All the things you are good at. Again, include both business and pleasure. If you aren’t sure or have trouble patting yourself on the back, ask trusted family and friends.
      c. All the things you are willing to make time for. For example, I love to play the piano and am reasonably good at it, but am not willing to make time for daily practice. It’s something I like to do when I’m in the mood.

      Once you’ve made all three lists, look for the things that appear on all three. That makes an excellent starting point for contemplation.

      And most of all, have some fun with the process!

      All the best! And keep me posted 🙂

  50. wow, it was great for me to read about this man’s experiences because i am currently in a similar but opposite situation. i met the person it think is my soulmate and he’s married, not with kids, but still in a position that i think was otherwise fairly comfortable for him all around until he met me. we haven’t discussed any of this between us because we are at a distance now, but i do believe he feels the same way and i often wonder what his train of thought is. i can’t be certain it matches this but it seems to ring a bell at the very least. if the man who wrote that first message is reading this, i will say at the very least to tell this other woman the impact she’s had on your life and know that she feels it too and is struggling too…

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your own experience. As you have discovered, there are no easy answers when for those who find themselves in this situation, especially if they care for the others involved.

      In your case, I can’t help but wonder if your new friend has already made his choice. The clues are that the two of you have not discussed this and it seems you are no longer in touch with each other. That must be agonizing for you, but exploring the other possibilities for his role in your life will ultimately bring comfort and gratitude. It may take a while for that to happen, but will be well worth the effort for you. The two of you clearly crossed paths for an important reason (you may have been a critical catalyst for him) as evidenced by your strong feelings and I would encourage to dive deep into your own feelings and how meeting him has impacted you.

      I wish you all the best as you open this gift of enlightenment. XO

        1. Who knows? It might happen. On the other hand, that pull might remain in place until you receive the deeper meaning of your paths crossing. Clearly, this meeting has had a profound impact on you. While long-term love is what we want when we feel those intense emotions, he may have appeared to show you how to release something you cherish to make room for something even better. He may have come so you could experience this intense feeling and recognize when you do meet the one who is ready and open and available. The possibilities are endless. It’s when we become open to ALL the possibilities that so much opens up for us. Opening to receive may even be your greatest gift of this experience. Much love….

  51. Great stuff! I believe what you have written is true. I met my soulmate and because of my marriage and kids and the fact that soulmate wont admit to having similar feelings, I am going to miss this opportunity of uniting with him. hope I meet him again someday but for now the emotional pain is very uncomfortable.

    1. I’m so sorry you are in pain. When you feel ready (and I promise you will at some point), there will be so many possibilities for you to consider In addition to the ones mentioned in the article and comments (whichever apply to your situation), it’s possible that he still has some personal growth to take care of. My darling hubby and I sometimes wish we had met when we were younger, but realize we would not yet have been ready for each other. We were on such different paths to get where we are now we would have been a mismatch at any previous time.

      The two of you may have a future together someday or you may have already served your purposes in each other’s lives. Either way, treasure him for what he brought into your life even if he didn’t come to stay.

      That can be tough at first, but over time will bring great joy and comfort.

      1. I need help/ advice please, I am a married man of 20 years with 2 late teenage children. I met someone who is 20 years my junior and I feel we have a strong connection from getting to know each other over several months on a professional level. She smiled at me one particular day and let me see the love she has in her soul through her eyes -I have never felt anything like it before – it resonates deep in my own soul. I have asked myself all the questions I need to; considered my marriage and my kids, friends, family and her fiancé and still feel that I am willing to risk it all by telling her how i feeI to see if she feels the same way too. I will admit my marriage is functional and pleasant and has become stale and both of us admit we may be better off apart; but meeting this girl has made me want to risk everything to be with her and start again . I have everything I could ever wish for materially but would sacrifice this all. It may not work out but at least I would know and could move on. I can’t sleep and am distracted/ consumed presently. Don’t know what to do. Apart from tell her how I feel and risk being rejected and ruining my marriage/family life

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